Parents Are Not the Enemy

I am not the most popular person on the planet right now, at least with my teenager. Although we get along well most of the time, there are days when we see eye-to-eye on very little. There is constantly a power struggle over issues of permission, character, and integrity, and my son knows that I will fight to the death to make sure that he knows (and hopefully lives by) the truth of God's Word.

What would happen if parents let their teenagers do every little thing they want? Would those teens be any happier, or would they find themselves making mistakes that could have been avoided had they only heeded the advice of their parents and other adults who truly care about their welfare? Some days I have a really hard time convincing my teen that the rules that are put in place for our family are rules set by God himself, and that they are meant for our good, not to harm or restrict any of us, including our teenage kids.

You need to know that parents are not the enemy. Yes, we may be stricter than you would like us to be, or sadly in some cases, not strict enough. A home in which there are no rules, expectations, or boundaries is a home where chaos is king and where peace cannot abide. Without rules, sin runs rampant, destruction is certain, and you become a victim of the fallout that ensues.

A good parent takes his or her job seriously, stands firmly on his moral convictions, and if a committed Christian, leans heavily on God's strength and the authority of his Word. The Bible tells us, "There are difficult times ahead. As the end approaches, people are going to be self-absorbed, money-hungry, self-promoting, stuck-up, profane, contemptuous of parents, crude, coarse, dog-eat-dog, unbending, slanderers, impulsively wild, savage, cynical, treacherous, ruthless, bloated windbags, addicted to lust, and allergic to God. They'll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they're animals. Stay clear of these people" (2 Timothy 3:1-5, The Message). Those of us who are parents are seeing these very statements played out in the lives of our teens. We know that your only hope of survival is to steer clear of people like the ones described in these verses. Your parents are not out to control you; they care about you and want you to grow up as a person of good character who walks in the freedom that comes with obedience to God's Word.

You need to know that Satan is the real enemy. He uses every device he can to lie to you. "Your parents don't care about you." "Your parents don't want you to have fun with friends." "Nothing you do will ever satisfy your parents. You will never measure up to their expectations." Are these the things you have voiced to your parents or heard your friends say about theirs? Don't believe it for a minute! Your parents love you as surely as God loves you and them. They are doing the best they can, swimming against a steady tide of rebellious behavior and destructive social influences. They are having to compete with text messaging, Facebook, MySpace, music, movies, and your friends to get your attention and teach you how to truly live.

Certainly, things are much different for you than they were for us when we were teens. But fundamentally, people are the same and life works just like it did when we were teens. Give us and yourselves a break! Next time your parents try to reason with you, offer you a better alternative for the plans you are making, or try to help you turn from a destructive relationship or habit, listen to them! Know that they are parenting you out of love, that they truly are concerned about your welfare, and that they would do anything to keep you from making some very costly mistakes.

Just for a minute, imagine that you are the parent and they are the teenager. Ask yourself if you would parent them any differently than they are parenting you. If you are honest, then you will know that sometimes father and mother do know best.

What's the Use?

Many teens (and those who love them, for that matter) wonder, What's the use of a relationship with God? The truth of the matter is that NOTHING on this earth is of more use and benefit than a close walk with God. Trust me, I know. I have tried to live life on my own terms, without God's input. The funny thing, though, is that God was with me all along, allowing me to reap the consequences of my bad choices, grieving over and loving me in spite of them. When I eventually realized that God was right there all along, and that walking in obedience to his Word actually gave me more freedom, not less, then I became intentional in my pursuit of a close relationship with the One who gave his very life to buy my freedom from the death my sins deserved.

Whether or not you want God to be involved in your life, he is. From before the moment you were born (Psalm 139) and through all the length of your days, he is as involved in your life as you want him to be. For some of you, that may mean that you consider his ways and try to honor him in every decision you make and in all that you do. For others, it may mean that you never give God a second thought except, perhaps, on Sundays.

God is not your personal genie but he is the best friend you will ever have, if you will allow him to be. He does not exist to give you everything you want, but to help you want the things he desires for you--his very best. His Holy Spirit is your guide and will keep you walking safely within the boundaries of God's perfect will for your life if you choose to seek and heed his guidance.

If you choose to live fully for God and his purposes, you will no doubt have to give up a few habits and relationships that aren't good for you anyway. But let me tell you, it's so worth the sacrifice. God doesn't ask you to give up anything without giving you something far better in return. In exchange for all the the anxiety, depression, self-hatred, and teenage angst you feel, he will give you an amazing peace you never dreamed you could have. He will love you with a love that no other person can demonstrate for you, and help you see yourself as the apple of his eye (Zechariah 2:8). His amazing grace will carry you through all of life's circumstances, good and bad. His Holy Spirit will strengthen and enable you to do great things for him and to have a significant impact on those in your circle of influence.

Ask yourself the following question: Would I rather stick with the status quo and continue down the path I have chosen for myself, or do I dare to walk in the great adventurous life of abundance that God has chosen for me? Dare to be different. Dare to be changed. Dare to live for God and experience the blessings that can be yours as you surrender your plans in favor of his will for you. Live the adventure -- choose Jesus!

The Blame Game

One thing I have learned living with a teenager is that nothing is ever his fault. If he steps out of line and gets reprimanded, it's not his fault. If he misses the bus because he mismanaged his time, it's not his fault. If he is late coming home, nine times out of ten it's not his fault. Please understand me -- I'm not picking on my teen. Who of us ever really wants to acknowledge that we are quite often to blame for our actions? Whatever happened to accountability and accepting responsibility for the things we do and say?

None of us can escape the reality that we reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7). If you drink excessively, you will wake up with a nasty hangover or worse, injure or kill another person or yourself by driving under the influence of the alcohol or drugs you consume. If you flirt with sexual intimacy and overstep the boundaries of sexual purity, you run the risk of contracting an STD or becoming a parent before you are ready to. If you spend more money than you make, you will end up strangled by debt and hounded by creditors. If you speed, you may get caught, ticketed, and penalized by higher insurance rates. Neglect your studies and you will fail academically. Fail to show up for work and you will soon find yourself unemployed. If you choose friends whose character does not meet the standard you and the Lord have set for yourself, pretty soon you will find yourself sinking to their level rather than elevating them to yours. Most importantly, neglect your spiritual walk with the Lord and you will find yourself in the hands of Satan, tempted beyond your ability to resist, and eating right out of his hand.

Sometimes parents do stupid things that have negative consequences for you. But for the most part, you are ultimately responsible for the consequences of your own actions. And God is never to blame for the bad things that happen to you. He loves you unconditionally, but he is just and he will allow you to suffer the consequences of your own poor choices.

"Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others--ignoring God!--harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life" (Galatians 6:7-8, The Message).

Just Say No!

One of the most difficult things plaguing teenagers is the fear of saying "no" to their peers. This I know for a fact because my own teen has difficulty remembering that "no" is actually a word in the dictionary. Funny, I have no problem saying the word to him, but he seems to have a really hard time denying himself one moment of fun or pleasure, even if negative consequences could result.

Since when is it macho or cool to throw your life away one cigarette, beer, or one-night stand at a time? What happened to standing as a leader among your peers rather than merely as one of the crowd? Did it dawn on you that by saying "no" to something bad, you might actually empower others to do the same and perhaps even save someone else's life? Seriously! Not just physically save their life, but perhaps eternally save it because you were willing to mirror the character of Christ himself?

All the things your parents have told you, the Scriptures they have shared with you, and the rules they have laid down for your benefit are worthy of your attention. If they're like me, they have made their own share of stupid mistakes and are merely trying to save you the pain of learning your lessons the hard way. Why not listen to the voice of experience? Risky behavior is never smart, never safe, and seldom without consequences. We know. We were teens, too.

Next time you feel tempted to do something you know you shouldn't, remember this: "The temptation to give in to evil comes from us and only us. We have no one to blame but the leering, seducing flare-up of our own lust. Lust gets pregnant, and has a baby: sin! Sin grows up to adulthood, and becomes a real killer" (James 1:14-15, The Message). The good news, though, is that "No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it" (1 Corinthians 10:13, The Message).

You have the full power of God residing in you in the person of the Holy Spirit. Draw on that power, resist the devil and his lies, and claim the victory over temptation that is yours in Christ!

Living in the Moment

Teens, and adults for that matter, are faced with choices everyday--choices that are hard and produce an inner conflict that often consumes our thoughts and tugs at our hearts. Our natural tendency is to simply make the choice and move forward, just to avoid dealing with the conflict. When the choices you make involve willful disobedience, reckless behavior, or the use of illegal or harmful substances, you are setting yourself up for a dangerous outcome and hurting the ones who love you most. Perhaps you don't care about that. Maybe all you are interested in is living in the moment and doing what feels good to you.

Even the most committed Christians I know struggle, or have struggled, with sin and the conflict of self versus Spirit (as in the Holy Spirit). When faced with the choice to do what is right according to God's Word or to do what satisfies their fleshly desires, they often choose the latter. Often God is merciful and spares them the full punishment their sinful choices deserve, but sometimes he withholds his protection and allows them to fully reap what they sow. Just because someone doesn't get what he or she deserves for a sin they committed, doesn't mean that you won't. It is not worth the gamble. If you play with fire (literally or figuratively), you will eventually get burned.

When you commit that sin, that "living in the moment," you have to ask yourself if being outside of God's will is really worth the risk of being subjected to his judgment. Perhaps you don't know what God's will is, or perhaps you have chosen to ignore that still, small voice that nags you on the inside saying, "Don't do that. You know it's not right." That check in your spirit is really God's voice telling you which way to go. If you don't listen and as a result turn away from his path and his will for your life, then you are playing right into the hands of Satan and giving him permission to come in and destroy you.

There will be a day of reckoning for all of us, a judgment day when our holy and righteous God holds us accountable for the sins we have committed and the deeds we have done, whether good or bad. Wouldn't you rather be found faithful and righteous than ashamed before the One who gave his life for you?

The Bible tells us, "If we claim that we're free of sin, we're only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean breast of them—he won't let us down; he'll be true to himself. He'll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. If we claim that we've never sinned, we out-and-out contradict God—make a liar out of him. A claim like that only shows off our ignorance of God" (1 John 1:8-10, The Message).

I don't know what area of sin you are struggling with today, but I do know this: God is faithful to forgive and will not condemn anyone who humbly repents and turns away from his sin (Romans 8:1). The bottom line is, you have to be willing to repent and lay aside your sinful desires and instead surrender to God's way of living. The Bible tells us, "The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God" (Romans 8:6-8, NIV).

As you are living in the moment, wouldn't you rather it be a peaceful moment rather than one full of conflict and fear? As long as you wrestle with God and fight the Holy Spirit who lives within you, you will never have a moment's peace. Surrender to God's will and walk in His ways. It is the only way to truly live.

It's Not Just for Breakfast Anymore

One of the things I try so hard to convince my teenager of is his need to take in more of God's Word and fewer of the world's lies. As a parent, I realize that most teens think parents "don't know anything." But the truth is, we have a lot of wisdom gained from years of living on this planet and from surviving our own adolescence. Because he doesn't take the time to read his Bible or a daily devotional at home, I have decided to enclose a little "Brown Bag Bite," a verse or two of Scripture hand-written on a piece of note paper, in my son's lunch each day. The neat thing about doing that is knowing that not only is he reading the Word of God, his lunch buddies are as well.

I became a Christian when I was your age, and was active in my youth group at church. I even attended Bible studies. But the one thing I probably failed to do was actually spend time, on my own, in God's Word, drinking in the truth of it and applying it to my own life. Had I been as anchored in the Scriptures then as I am now, I would have avoided the traumatic consequences of my own poor choices because I would have avoided a whole lot of sin in the first place. I would have known the love of Christ, the wisdom of God, and the power of the Holy Spirit to enable me to turn from temptation, remain sexually pure, and avoid the devastating effects of addiction. This is the message I want my son and his teenage peers to take to heart: that God's Word is our lifeline in this world, and to try to live life outside of God's loving boundaries, set in his Word, is to sentence ourselves to a miserable existence.

God's Word is given to us to nourish and sustain us spiritually, to lead us to salvation through Christ and assure us of God's provision for every need of life, and to guide our footsteps on the path God has set out for us. Psalm 119: 1-9 (The Message) says this about the Bible: "You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You're blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him. That's right—you don't go off on your own; you walk straight along the road he set. You, God, prescribed the right way to live; now you expect us to live it. Oh, that my steps might be steady, keeping to the course you set; Then I'd never have any regrets in comparing my life with your counsel. I thank you for speaking straight from your heart; I learn the pattern of your righteous ways. I'm going to do what you tell me to do; don't ever walk off and leave me. How can a young person live a clean life? By carefully reading the map of your Word."

Trust me, if you try to live your life on your terms rather than on God's, you are setting yourself up for a hard life of misery, shame, and sorrow. I know because I've been there. You may not think your parents know anything, but God does. Father knows best. Better start listening to him today!

Friends are Fickle -- They'll Put You in a Pickle!

Relationships are tricky for even the most mature adults I know. I can imagine that they trickier still for today's generation of young people. Yet healthy relationships are SO important, particularly in the turbulent teenage years. How does one even know what a healthy relationship is?

Consider your friends. What kind of people do you hang out with? How much like you are they really? If you a Christian teen, you need to be especially careful to spend most of your social time with peers that are heaven-minded, not worldly in their thoughts and actions. If you are serious about your relationship with God, you must guard your heart because it is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23). In other words, if you let down your guard, your heart will be drawn to things that are not God's best for you. You must be careful with your affections in every area of your life--friendships, entertainment, and dating.

God wants you to love everyone, just as he does. But he does not desire for you to spend your time hanging out with friends who have ungodly qualities. It is one thing to casually converse with those who are lost and immoral as you pass them in the hallway or sit by them in class. It is another thing entirely to spend lots of time in the company of individuals whose heart is not set on God or on the things of God. Kids with emotional baggage will only drag you down. You cannot save them; only Jesus can.

A true friend is one who will stick closer than a brother and model the character of God himself. If your friends are talking about you, spreading rumors, or luring you into activities that you know God would disapprove of, then are they really the kind of friends you should be spending your time with?

No one wants to be lonely. We all want to be with people because God created us as relational beings. However, the cost of spending your time in the company of willful sinners (we all sin, but some are habitual sinners) is great. God says we are to be in the world, not of it. That means that while we have to live among those who might not believe, we don't have to take on their character qualities and stoop to their level of immoral behavior. We are to remain holy and pure, even as Christ is. Even if it takes times of solitude and separation from your friends, know that Jesus is always going to be there for you and he will be enough, if you let him be your very best friend.

Rather than continue hanging out with fickle and foolish friends, ask Jesus to send you friends who love him as much as you do. If you honor him, he will honor you.

Don't Kiss and Tell

One of the problems with inappropriate sexual conduct is that nothing you do remains a secret for long. If you kiss a sweetheart, that's one thing. No one really cares much about a kiss. But if you go a little too far (and you know how far "too far" is!), then be prepared for the shock waves of scandal to spread across the Internet and through cellular air space as your so-called friends broadcast your shameful behavior to everyone you know, and then some!

The Bible teaches us that sex outside of the marriage relationship is sin. Not only is it sin against the person with whom you are engaged in inappropriate sexual behavior, but it is sin against your own body, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit who lives in you (1 Corinthians 6:19). As Christians, we grow up knowing that sex with anyone other than our married partner is wrong, but we are faced with the same sexual temptations that unbelievers face. However, the Spirit of God which lives within us gives us the power to abstain from and resist those strong sexual urges that cause so much pain. The Spirit gives us power to resist, but we must use our God-given right to choose--to choose to do the right thing rather than the wrong thing.

The Message translation does a beautiful job of explaining the problems with sexual sin. First Corinthians 6:16-20 tells us:

There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.

Young person, what you may see as irresistible temporary pleasure will cost you dearly in the long run. You have been taught right from wrong, but what your parents and your Sunday school teachers haven't told you is how high a price you will pay for giving yourself away to a boyfriend or girlfriend rather than saving yourself for your spouse. Not only do you run the risk of an unwanted pregnancy or the likelihood that you will contract a sexually-transmitted disease, but you also risk taking on the heavy emotional baggage of guilt and shame that will beat you down for years to come. Premarital sex is not worth the risk or the loss of a godly reputation.

God is certainly willing to forgive any who repent and ask forgiveness for sexual sin. But there are no guarantees that he will protect you from devastating consequences if you continue to compromise yourself sexually. Be holy as he is holy. If you have already lost your virginity, ask his forgiveness and mercy, and pray for the strength to remain pure until the day you marry the special guy or gal he has picked out for you. The temptation to sin in the area of sexual behavior is strong, but the Holy Spirit who lives within you gives you all the power you need to stand strong and remain pure.

"You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body" (1 Corinthians 6:19b-20, NIV).

"Hurry, or You'll Miss the Bus!"

There isn't a teen on the face of the planet who doesn't love to sleep in, especially when getting up is so important. When my kids were little, I can remember thinking, God has some sense of humor! They want to sleep late every day of the week, but they wouldn't dare sleep in on Saturday and miss cartoons!

One thing I try so hard to impress upon my own teenager is the need to get up anyway, whether or not he feels like it. If you stay up past a reasonable bedtime, certainly you will be exhausted in the morning! But you have to get up anyway. The world does not stop turning just because you are tired. You have obligations and responsibilities, and now is the time to learn that if you snooze, you will lose...a future job, a golden opportunity, or that once-in-a-lifetime chance to make a difference. Time waits for no man, or teen, for that matter.

God calls us to be wise stewards of all that he entrusts to us, whether it be time, talents, or money. When you waste or misuse time, you not only hurt yourself but also others. Being late to class interrupts the learning process and rattles the teacher. Having to rush around to get out the door on time only causes your day to start off stressful rather than relaxed. Learn to do what you need to do when you need to do it and life will be a whole lot more enjoyable and fruitful.

You have probably heard the saying, "the early bird catches the worm." It's not enough to rise to the occasion; you must also rise for it, whether it is to catch the bus so you can arrive at school on time or get to work on time so you don't lose your job. The Bible asks: "So how long are you going to laze around doing nothing? How long before you get out of bed? A nap here, a nap there, a day off here, a day off there, sit back, take it easy—do you know what comes next? Just this: You can look forward to a dirt-poor life, poverty your permanent house guest!" (Proverbs 6:9-11, The Message).

Next time your parents yell at you to get up, just do it! If your parents, who are more tired than you are, are able to get out of bed, fix your breakfast, and pack your lunch, then the least you can do is get up when they call you.

Control Freaks

For me as a mom, one of the greatest joys in life is to sit and converse with my teenage son. There are very few subjects that are off-limits. Sometimes we agree and talk peaceably with one another and other times the gloves come off and we find ourselves engaged in a heated debate. At those times, our controlling personalities step into the ring for a round of heavy boxing.

It is hard to win an argument or accomplish much of anything when both parties are control freaks. Chris and I both recognize that, but there are many teens and their parents who don't realize that sometimes the core issue in their arguments is a matter of control. The Bible talks about the issue of quarreling and controlling personalities in James 4:1-3: "Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it. You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way." (The Message)

As a teenager, you need to understand that your parents are not trying to control your lives by threatening consequences if you don't fulfill certain obligations. They are trying to teach you responsibility and often have to resort to the same tactics you use in order to gain your cooperation. They were teenagers once and they didn't like, any more than you do, having to do chores, watch younger siblings, or help a neighbor. Yet they did those things because their parents asked them to, and as a result they grew up with a sense of responsibility and moral consciousness.

Parents aren't out to manipulate you in order to get their own way. But because of their love for you, they must do the hard work of teaching you responsibility and discipline so that you will grow up able to face the "real world" and be a successful adult capable of getting along with others and doing things God's way rather than the world's way. Rather than constantly fight with your parents, try putting a little more effort into heeding their advice, obeying their rules, and doing what they ask of you. You will find it easier for everyone in the long run, and a whole lot less tiring and aggravating, if you will go with the flow rather than swim against the tide.

Parents Are Smarter Than You Think

Most of the teens I know think their parents don't have a clue. Just last night my own son told me that I don't have any idea what's going on with teens these days or why it is so important (a matter of life and death) that he have a cell phone!

I would like to suggest to you that once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, your parents were teenagers, too. While you have "so much" on your plate, they had as much, if not more, on theirs. The stress you feel from having to deal with your problems, your friends' issues, and the demands of daily living is no different than what we dealt with as teenagers. The sources of stress may be different, but trust me -- we had our share of stress and issues, too. Friends still talked about us behind our backs and made us feel lower than dirt by calling us fat, ugly, or stupid, often to our face. There were family problems like divorce, substance abuse, and physical/emotional abuse. We didn't always get everything we wanted, even though the Joneses did. Life wasn't fair then either.

The big difference, though, is that our parents didn't allow us to sit around and gripe all the time. We were made to appreciate the fact that we had it better than most. They helped us learn the value of hard work by requiring us to do chores that today's teens somehow manage to avoid. We had not only homework after school, but chores to do as well. And you know what? We still had plenty of time to play and hang out with friends. When we behaved badly, our parents disciplined us with a sound spanking or an extra helping of chores, not by taking away our cell phones for a day or two. If we griped or fussed too much, our parents made sure we had a good reason to cry. Our parents were a whole lot tougher on us than today's parents are on your generation.

If you have a godly parent who seems a little too hard on you at times, give thanks for him or her. "Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God's training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God's holy best. At the time, discipline isn't much fun. It always feels like it's going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it's the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God" (Hebrews 12:7-11, The Message).

Just remember, your parents are not the enemy. Satan is. Your parents are not against you; they are for you, even as your heavenly Father is.

The Truth About Lies

One of the hardest lessons for a teenager to learn is that it is never okay to tell a lie. What may seem to be an innocent little fib can turn into a bold-faced and malicious lie capable of hurting others and ruining the reputations of innocent victims. Telling a lie is a very hard habit to break. That's because Satan is the father of lies (John 8:44) and the master of deceit. He can make you think that telling a lie to protect yourself or someone else is no big deal, when in fact he is setting you up to tell an even bigger lie the next time.

Do you realize that as a Christian you are to display the character of Jesus, not Satan? In this world, the devil makes sure that we think we are better off taking the easy way out by telling a lie or two. What he is really doing is making you think that following Christ is neither easy nor cool. The truth is, that in itself is a lie! "The devil is described, more than anything else, as a liar. He has no power to defeat God, but he is skilled at lying, and convincing people to listen to his lies. Anyone who lies is modeling their behavior on the devil" (http://www.gospel.com/topics/lies). The Bible doesn't tell us that living for Christ results in bondage or drudgery. Rather, it tells us that when we know and live the truth, the truth will set us free and that if Jesus sets us free from sin, then we are truly free (John 8:32, 36).

Don't let Satan ever convince you that telling a lie is okay, because it isn't. If you honor God by telling the truth, he will honor you. Be faithful to the One who is faithful, and don't give the devil another victory by telling a lie.

Wash Your Mouth Out!

When I was a growing up it wasn't unusual for me to frequently hear the words, "I'm going to wash your mouth out with soap!" Normally, my mom wasn't talking to me but rather to my teenage brothers. As a young mother, I took great delight in following in her footsteps by coating my son's toothbrush with soap and making him brush his teeth (thus washing out his mouth) any time he back-talked me. The thought of it makes me grin even today.

Sadly, those of your generation are caught up in some really lousy language habits. Even Christian teenagers go around saying things that would make their mother's hair curl! When did it become okay to use such profanity, sexually explicit language, and bad mouth each other, often broadcasting your comments via text messages, Facebook, or email? Whether you write bad words on the hood of your friend's car as a joke, or use profanity and a disrespectful tone when talking to your parents, you are sinning in God's sight and hurting those around you. Although you may not realize it, some words you speak or write can be considered sexual harassment so be careful what you say and to whom you say it.

The Bible says a lot about our mouths, the tongue, and the wickedness of trash talking. In the third chapter of James we are told that "It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell (v. 6, The Message). "With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth! My friends, this can't go on" (vs. 9-10, The Message).

God wants us to use our words to edify people and praise him, not dishonor God and disgrace others. Which will you choose to do today? Talk like the rest of your generation, using language that is hurtful and disgraceful, or dare to be a little better than everyone you know and actually say things that are positive, uplifting, and God-honoring?

You are known not only by the company you keep, but also by the words you speak to others. "You have minds like a snake pit! How do you suppose what you say is worth anything when you are so foul-minded? It's your heart, not the dictionary, that gives meaning to your words" (Matthew 12:34). Oh, be wise, guard your heart, and choose your words carefully!

"I'm Bored"

Why is it that every time I log onto Facebook some teenager has put in a status update which says, "I'm bored"? Even my son is guilty of that on occasion, and I have to wonder why boredom is such a problem for today's youth. Of course, he is quick to tell me that saying "I'm bored" doesn't really mean, "I'm bored." Whatever!

Another mom we know suggested praying about his boredom, and I think she's truly onto something. When we say we're bored, we are making ourselves the center of the problem. After all, if we aren't doing what we want to do, life just doesn't seem quite interesting enough to keep our attention. Isn't it strange that none of the adults I know go around professing to be bored? Hmmm. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?

I believe the key to conquering boredom is to begin living for someone other than yourself. The Bible says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Philippians 2:3). The Message translates the same verse this way: "Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand."

Next time you are suffering from a case of boredom, change your focus. Instead of complaining about having nothing to do, find something to do for someone else. By making their life a little more enjoyable, you will inadvertently create your own sense of well-being and enjoyment.

Oh, Be Careful Little Eyes

In a world with so many forms of entertainment, it has become nearly impossible to avoid seeing, hearing, or reading things that influence the mind in negative ways. You and your friends have become so conditioned to profanity, indecency, and violence that you don't truly realize the effect that your entertainment choices may have. Just because everyone else goes to see a particular movie doesn't make it a right choice for the teen who desires to follow God. Sometimes you have to make a hard choice and opt out of a movie or television show that is laced with profanity, indecency, and violence. For the sake of your own soul (and your parents' sanity), dare to be different! Dare to take a stand against the things that "everybody else is doing" and live for the glory of the Holy One who created you for a relationship with him.

Everything you take in, good and bad, becomes a permanent resident in your mind, whether or not you realize it. The profane language you hear will eventually slip out of your own mouth. The violence you watch will eventually manifest itself in angry attitudes and actions, directed either toward others or yourself. The images you look at will create urges and desires that can, and likely will, lead to sinful behavior. "Oh, be careful little eyes what you see." If you choose to take in garbage and filth, those are the very attributes that you will be known by.

The Bible says: "Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse" (Philippians 4:8, The Message). Being good is a real struggle, but God promises to honor those who honor him and to provide a way to escape temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13). The kicker is, you have to choose to walk away from temptation.

Parents, we probably don't do a good enough job of instilling godly values in our children. We may talk about purity and godly character, but if we ourselves choose to indulge in entertainment with mature themes or a secular worldview, we set ourselves up for failure and open the door for impurity to creep into our kids' lives. After all, children will live what they learn, so we'd better set the bar high and practice what we preach! No sacrifice is too great for our kids, so lay your own bad entertainment choices on the altar of God's grace and do the right thing for your kids. They are worth the sacrifice!

Parents Aren't Perfect

In my sixteen years of parenting I have made a lot of mistakes. So have a lot of other parents. After all, parents are only human. We're not perfect, but chances are we would die for the well-being of our children, or at least fight to the death for them.

As I consider everything my mom had to put up with while my siblings and I still lived at home, it is a wonder that we all turned out as well as we did. With six kids at home and a husband who traveled a lot in his job, she did the best she could for us, always loving and praying for us and disciplining us when we needed it. There wasn't a lot of time for lengthy conversations about the issues of life, but back then times were a little less complicated. It was enough to know that she meant what she said. If we dared to stray from the straight and narrow, then we knew we deserved what came next. That, in itself, was enough to keep us motivated to do the right thing, or at least not do the wrong thing.

If you have parents or other grownups who will sit down and listen to you, take advantage of that and talk with them about the things that concern you. We can't know what it is you need if you don't tell us. Remember, we are dealing with problems of our own that sometimes are overwhelming. We don't always pick up on the signals you send, so just say what is on your mind.

If your parent advises you against doing something in particular or spending your time with certain friends, please listen to them and heed their advice. We are not always great at explaining ourselves, but we speak out of our own experience and the mistakes we made as teenagers and young adults. If we tell you to do something or not do something, realize that ninety-nine percent of the time we are telling you for your own good. If you ask "why?" and we respond "because I said so," trust us anyway. Explanations are not always necessary and sometimes only confuse things.

I am glad to be a parent, although it is the most difficult and stressful thing I do each day. It is a privilege to pray for my kids and teach them God's ways, though it is seldom easy. Until you have kids of your own, you will never understand why we parents do the things we do. Just know that we love you, we care about what's best for you, and we want more than anything for you to grow up to be godly men and women who will have a positive impact on your generation for the glory of God.

Young people, "Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother'--which is the first commandment with a promise--'that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth'" (Ephesians 6:1-3).

That's Not Your Suitcase!

Ever since the 9/11 attacks, one of the standard airport security procedures has been that you don't pick up a suitcase that isn't yours. Doing so can threaten your safety and the well-being of those around you.

One of the problems facing today's young people is that in their desperate need to belong, they are often willing to take on the emotional baggage of their friends. This poses a real threat to the spiritual well-being of a young Christian. Rather than helping a troubled friend rise to a higher level of character and spiritual maturity, it often has the opposite effect of dragging the stronger individual down to the level of a wayward friend, where he or she is more likely to fall into sinful, self-destructive behaviors. I myself had that problem as a young adult in more than one relationship. I tended to hang out with friends who were spiritually lost or emotionally needy because of dysfunctional relationships and the hurt they suffered at someone else's hands. Staying in those relationships resulted in some very serious consequences and nearly cost me my life!

If you are a Christian teenager, please hear me clearly. Jesus ministered to those whose character was less than godly, and he spent time with those who clearly were not saved. However, in doing so never did he compromise God's Word, his convictions, or his divine character. You cannot be someone else's Savior; that is Jesus' role. By hanging out with friends of questionable character, you are placing yourself in great danger of taking on the sinful habits and behaviors of those you run with. You cannot bring them up to your level. Only the God can do that. Be wise -- let them carry their own baggage! Better yet, let God carry it!

You will be known by the company you keep, so choose your friends wisely. Understand that Jesus cares for your wayward friends even more than you do. Don't place yourself in a dangerous situation by taking on someone else's baggage. Chances are, you have enough baggage of your own. Commit yourself to the Lord, and pray for your friends. It is not your job to save the ones who are lost. Only Jesus can do that. Yes, pray for them and love them as Jesus would, but let Jesus do his job while you do yours. Your job is to live a holy and godly life (2 Peter 3:16), seek the righteousness of God and his kingdom (Matthew 6:33), and let your light shine rather than be snuffed out by the sin of worldly living (Matthew 5:16).

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

What do you see when you look in the mirror each day? A hunk, a hot babe, or a pimple-faced nobody? The mirror can be your friend or foe on any given day, but it can never capture the true essence of who you really are. Neither can it clearly show you how God sees you.

There is so much pressure to live up to the ideals of beauty we see in magazines and on TV. If you don't wear this or that, you aren't cool. If you are a girl, you probably think that the less clothing you wear and the more makeup you put on, the more guys will want you. But is that kind of attention you really want from the guys you know? Guys are just as caught up in this image game. After all, they want to be attractive, too. What guy do you know who doesn't want to turn a head or two when he's hanging out with his friends? They are always on the hunt and crave attention just as much as girls do.

Doesn't it wear you out trying to live up to the beauty standards of others? Don't you realize that you are a unique creation of God and that he loves you just the way you are, acne and all? God doesn't require that you put on makeup or dress a certain way in order for him to love and accept you. You don't have to have a certain body shape or hair color to catch his attention. He simply loves you because you are his child. The Bible tells us, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" (1 Peter 3:3-4). That doesn't mean that a little lipstick and blush are bad; it simply means that the more others see God shining through you, the more beautiful you truly become.

It has been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. The next time you look into the mirror, try looking deep into your own eyes instead of at the freckles on your face or the cowlick in your hair. What do you see? Ask God to let you see yourself through his eyes. You are created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), who set the standard for beauty and modesty. Don't tarnish his image by dressing inappropriately or hiding behind too much makeup. He loves and desires you just the way you are. As Jonny Diaz so well puts it: "There could never be a more beautiful you!"

Somebody Loves You

Ever have one of those days when it seems nobody cares or no one in particular loves you? Even we grownups have those days, but it's especially tough when you are a teenager. Whether you come from a home where both parents are together and everything is relatively peaceful or you are shuffled between households because of a divorce, you have times when you feel like nobody loves you. Nobody.

I can remember feeling that way often as I grew up. My parents divorced before I can remember and I grew up with my mom, stepfather, and five siblings. Life was not always good. There were the occasional arguments between my parents and the nagging insecurity of wondering if my mom would get divorced again. I knew that Mom loved me, but it took a long time to really feel like Daddy accepted me and loved me as his own. From his point of view there was never a question of his love, but insecurity and fear kept me from feeling his love for many years.

When I accepted Jesus as my Savior I finally learned what true love was. Although I didn't always feel confident of my stepfather's love, I knew that my heavenly Father loved me unconditionally and would have given his Son for me even if I had been the only person on the planet. That's how much he loves you, too. You're just that special to him.

The Bible tells us, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16). Wherever you are today and however you feel at this moment, know that God loves you enough that he sacrificed his only child to pay the death penalty for your sin because he wants you to live with him forever. Forever! How great a love is that?!

If you have never asked Jesus into your heart, today would be a great day to do that. All you have to do is pray and ask him to forgive your sins, live in your heart, and be your Savior. If you do that, would you please tell a friend or grownup, or email me? I'd love to pray for you. My email address is livingthedream4him@bellsouth.net.

Remember, somebody loves you. His name is Jesus.

Lessons I Learned the Hard Way

The twenty-first century teenager is a unique force to be reckoned with. I know, because I am the mother of one. When I was a teenager, computers didn't even exist. We fought our battles on the playground, not in cyberspace. When we had news to tell (or a rumor to pass along), we passed notes, met on the playground, or used a land line instead of Facebook, MySpace, text messaging, and email. We thought good news traveled fast back then; we could never have dreamed that our secrets would be broadcast across the Internet in a nanosecond!

As a writer of devotionals for men and women, I have spent much time studying God's Word and reflecting on the issues I have faced as a parent and an adult in a very challenging world. Now it is time for me to focus on the people nearest and dearest to my heart--my children and their teenage and tweenage peers.

This journey will be one of discovery for all of us, and one which I hope will prove to be of help to the many troubled teens I know. At the risk of turning a few heads, I plan to share with the young people who will read these devotionals some of the lessons I learned the hard way, hoping that perhaps they will avoid making some of the same mistakes I did. I will be sharing things I have already told my own children about my life and the lessons God has taught me about his love and forgiveness, his Word, dating and physical intimacy, media and advertising influences, friendships, substance abuse, self-image, finances, and other things that our kids are facing now and will have to face in the future.

Parents, I encourage you to prayerfully consider reading and discussing these devotionals with your teens and tweens. We all need every bit of help we can get, and God's Word is full of wisdom, instruction, and hope for those of us in the trenches. Guys and gals, buckle your seatbelts -- this is going to be one interesting ride!