Just Say No!

One of the most difficult things plaguing teenagers is the fear of saying "no" to their peers. This I know for a fact because my own teen has difficulty remembering that "no" is actually a word in the dictionary. Funny, I have no problem saying the word to him, but he seems to have a really hard time denying himself one moment of fun or pleasure, even if negative consequences could result.

Since when is it macho or cool to throw your life away one cigarette, beer, or one-night stand at a time? What happened to standing as a leader among your peers rather than merely as one of the crowd? Did it dawn on you that by saying "no" to something bad, you might actually empower others to do the same and perhaps even save someone else's life? Seriously! Not just physically save their life, but perhaps eternally save it because you were willing to mirror the character of Christ himself?

All the things your parents have told you, the Scriptures they have shared with you, and the rules they have laid down for your benefit are worthy of your attention. If they're like me, they have made their own share of stupid mistakes and are merely trying to save you the pain of learning your lessons the hard way. Why not listen to the voice of experience? Risky behavior is never smart, never safe, and seldom without consequences. We know. We were teens, too.

Next time you feel tempted to do something you know you shouldn't, remember this: "The temptation to give in to evil comes from us and only us. We have no one to blame but the leering, seducing flare-up of our own lust. Lust gets pregnant, and has a baby: sin! Sin grows up to adulthood, and becomes a real killer" (James 1:14-15, The Message). The good news, though, is that "No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it" (1 Corinthians 10:13, The Message).

You have the full power of God residing in you in the person of the Holy Spirit. Draw on that power, resist the devil and his lies, and claim the victory over temptation that is yours in Christ!

Living in the Moment

Teens, and adults for that matter, are faced with choices everyday--choices that are hard and produce an inner conflict that often consumes our thoughts and tugs at our hearts. Our natural tendency is to simply make the choice and move forward, just to avoid dealing with the conflict. When the choices you make involve willful disobedience, reckless behavior, or the use of illegal or harmful substances, you are setting yourself up for a dangerous outcome and hurting the ones who love you most. Perhaps you don't care about that. Maybe all you are interested in is living in the moment and doing what feels good to you.

Even the most committed Christians I know struggle, or have struggled, with sin and the conflict of self versus Spirit (as in the Holy Spirit). When faced with the choice to do what is right according to God's Word or to do what satisfies their fleshly desires, they often choose the latter. Often God is merciful and spares them the full punishment their sinful choices deserve, but sometimes he withholds his protection and allows them to fully reap what they sow. Just because someone doesn't get what he or she deserves for a sin they committed, doesn't mean that you won't. It is not worth the gamble. If you play with fire (literally or figuratively), you will eventually get burned.

When you commit that sin, that "living in the moment," you have to ask yourself if being outside of God's will is really worth the risk of being subjected to his judgment. Perhaps you don't know what God's will is, or perhaps you have chosen to ignore that still, small voice that nags you on the inside saying, "Don't do that. You know it's not right." That check in your spirit is really God's voice telling you which way to go. If you don't listen and as a result turn away from his path and his will for your life, then you are playing right into the hands of Satan and giving him permission to come in and destroy you.

There will be a day of reckoning for all of us, a judgment day when our holy and righteous God holds us accountable for the sins we have committed and the deeds we have done, whether good or bad. Wouldn't you rather be found faithful and righteous than ashamed before the One who gave his life for you?

The Bible tells us, "If we claim that we're free of sin, we're only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean breast of them—he won't let us down; he'll be true to himself. He'll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. If we claim that we've never sinned, we out-and-out contradict God—make a liar out of him. A claim like that only shows off our ignorance of God" (1 John 1:8-10, The Message).

I don't know what area of sin you are struggling with today, but I do know this: God is faithful to forgive and will not condemn anyone who humbly repents and turns away from his sin (Romans 8:1). The bottom line is, you have to be willing to repent and lay aside your sinful desires and instead surrender to God's way of living. The Bible tells us, "The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God" (Romans 8:6-8, NIV).

As you are living in the moment, wouldn't you rather it be a peaceful moment rather than one full of conflict and fear? As long as you wrestle with God and fight the Holy Spirit who lives within you, you will never have a moment's peace. Surrender to God's will and walk in His ways. It is the only way to truly live.

It's Not Just for Breakfast Anymore

One of the things I try so hard to convince my teenager of is his need to take in more of God's Word and fewer of the world's lies. As a parent, I realize that most teens think parents "don't know anything." But the truth is, we have a lot of wisdom gained from years of living on this planet and from surviving our own adolescence. Because he doesn't take the time to read his Bible or a daily devotional at home, I have decided to enclose a little "Brown Bag Bite," a verse or two of Scripture hand-written on a piece of note paper, in my son's lunch each day. The neat thing about doing that is knowing that not only is he reading the Word of God, his lunch buddies are as well.

I became a Christian when I was your age, and was active in my youth group at church. I even attended Bible studies. But the one thing I probably failed to do was actually spend time, on my own, in God's Word, drinking in the truth of it and applying it to my own life. Had I been as anchored in the Scriptures then as I am now, I would have avoided the traumatic consequences of my own poor choices because I would have avoided a whole lot of sin in the first place. I would have known the love of Christ, the wisdom of God, and the power of the Holy Spirit to enable me to turn from temptation, remain sexually pure, and avoid the devastating effects of addiction. This is the message I want my son and his teenage peers to take to heart: that God's Word is our lifeline in this world, and to try to live life outside of God's loving boundaries, set in his Word, is to sentence ourselves to a miserable existence.

God's Word is given to us to nourish and sustain us spiritually, to lead us to salvation through Christ and assure us of God's provision for every need of life, and to guide our footsteps on the path God has set out for us. Psalm 119: 1-9 (The Message) says this about the Bible: "You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You're blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him. That's right—you don't go off on your own; you walk straight along the road he set. You, God, prescribed the right way to live; now you expect us to live it. Oh, that my steps might be steady, keeping to the course you set; Then I'd never have any regrets in comparing my life with your counsel. I thank you for speaking straight from your heart; I learn the pattern of your righteous ways. I'm going to do what you tell me to do; don't ever walk off and leave me. How can a young person live a clean life? By carefully reading the map of your Word."

Trust me, if you try to live your life on your terms rather than on God's, you are setting yourself up for a hard life of misery, shame, and sorrow. I know because I've been there. You may not think your parents know anything, but God does. Father knows best. Better start listening to him today!

Friends are Fickle -- They'll Put You in a Pickle!

Relationships are tricky for even the most mature adults I know. I can imagine that they trickier still for today's generation of young people. Yet healthy relationships are SO important, particularly in the turbulent teenage years. How does one even know what a healthy relationship is?

Consider your friends. What kind of people do you hang out with? How much like you are they really? If you a Christian teen, you need to be especially careful to spend most of your social time with peers that are heaven-minded, not worldly in their thoughts and actions. If you are serious about your relationship with God, you must guard your heart because it is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23). In other words, if you let down your guard, your heart will be drawn to things that are not God's best for you. You must be careful with your affections in every area of your life--friendships, entertainment, and dating.

God wants you to love everyone, just as he does. But he does not desire for you to spend your time hanging out with friends who have ungodly qualities. It is one thing to casually converse with those who are lost and immoral as you pass them in the hallway or sit by them in class. It is another thing entirely to spend lots of time in the company of individuals whose heart is not set on God or on the things of God. Kids with emotional baggage will only drag you down. You cannot save them; only Jesus can.

A true friend is one who will stick closer than a brother and model the character of God himself. If your friends are talking about you, spreading rumors, or luring you into activities that you know God would disapprove of, then are they really the kind of friends you should be spending your time with?

No one wants to be lonely. We all want to be with people because God created us as relational beings. However, the cost of spending your time in the company of willful sinners (we all sin, but some are habitual sinners) is great. God says we are to be in the world, not of it. That means that while we have to live among those who might not believe, we don't have to take on their character qualities and stoop to their level of immoral behavior. We are to remain holy and pure, even as Christ is. Even if it takes times of solitude and separation from your friends, know that Jesus is always going to be there for you and he will be enough, if you let him be your very best friend.

Rather than continue hanging out with fickle and foolish friends, ask Jesus to send you friends who love him as much as you do. If you honor him, he will honor you.

Don't Kiss and Tell

One of the problems with inappropriate sexual conduct is that nothing you do remains a secret for long. If you kiss a sweetheart, that's one thing. No one really cares much about a kiss. But if you go a little too far (and you know how far "too far" is!), then be prepared for the shock waves of scandal to spread across the Internet and through cellular air space as your so-called friends broadcast your shameful behavior to everyone you know, and then some!

The Bible teaches us that sex outside of the marriage relationship is sin. Not only is it sin against the person with whom you are engaged in inappropriate sexual behavior, but it is sin against your own body, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit who lives in you (1 Corinthians 6:19). As Christians, we grow up knowing that sex with anyone other than our married partner is wrong, but we are faced with the same sexual temptations that unbelievers face. However, the Spirit of God which lives within us gives us the power to abstain from and resist those strong sexual urges that cause so much pain. The Spirit gives us power to resist, but we must use our God-given right to choose--to choose to do the right thing rather than the wrong thing.

The Message translation does a beautiful job of explaining the problems with sexual sin. First Corinthians 6:16-20 tells us:

There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.

Young person, what you may see as irresistible temporary pleasure will cost you dearly in the long run. You have been taught right from wrong, but what your parents and your Sunday school teachers haven't told you is how high a price you will pay for giving yourself away to a boyfriend or girlfriend rather than saving yourself for your spouse. Not only do you run the risk of an unwanted pregnancy or the likelihood that you will contract a sexually-transmitted disease, but you also risk taking on the heavy emotional baggage of guilt and shame that will beat you down for years to come. Premarital sex is not worth the risk or the loss of a godly reputation.

God is certainly willing to forgive any who repent and ask forgiveness for sexual sin. But there are no guarantees that he will protect you from devastating consequences if you continue to compromise yourself sexually. Be holy as he is holy. If you have already lost your virginity, ask his forgiveness and mercy, and pray for the strength to remain pure until the day you marry the special guy or gal he has picked out for you. The temptation to sin in the area of sexual behavior is strong, but the Holy Spirit who lives within you gives you all the power you need to stand strong and remain pure.

"You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body" (1 Corinthians 6:19b-20, NIV).

"Hurry, or You'll Miss the Bus!"

There isn't a teen on the face of the planet who doesn't love to sleep in, especially when getting up is so important. When my kids were little, I can remember thinking, God has some sense of humor! They want to sleep late every day of the week, but they wouldn't dare sleep in on Saturday and miss cartoons!

One thing I try so hard to impress upon my own teenager is the need to get up anyway, whether or not he feels like it. If you stay up past a reasonable bedtime, certainly you will be exhausted in the morning! But you have to get up anyway. The world does not stop turning just because you are tired. You have obligations and responsibilities, and now is the time to learn that if you snooze, you will lose...a future job, a golden opportunity, or that once-in-a-lifetime chance to make a difference. Time waits for no man, or teen, for that matter.

God calls us to be wise stewards of all that he entrusts to us, whether it be time, talents, or money. When you waste or misuse time, you not only hurt yourself but also others. Being late to class interrupts the learning process and rattles the teacher. Having to rush around to get out the door on time only causes your day to start off stressful rather than relaxed. Learn to do what you need to do when you need to do it and life will be a whole lot more enjoyable and fruitful.

You have probably heard the saying, "the early bird catches the worm." It's not enough to rise to the occasion; you must also rise for it, whether it is to catch the bus so you can arrive at school on time or get to work on time so you don't lose your job. The Bible asks: "So how long are you going to laze around doing nothing? How long before you get out of bed? A nap here, a nap there, a day off here, a day off there, sit back, take it easy—do you know what comes next? Just this: You can look forward to a dirt-poor life, poverty your permanent house guest!" (Proverbs 6:9-11, The Message).

Next time your parents yell at you to get up, just do it! If your parents, who are more tired than you are, are able to get out of bed, fix your breakfast, and pack your lunch, then the least you can do is get up when they call you.

Control Freaks

For me as a mom, one of the greatest joys in life is to sit and converse with my teenage son. There are very few subjects that are off-limits. Sometimes we agree and talk peaceably with one another and other times the gloves come off and we find ourselves engaged in a heated debate. At those times, our controlling personalities step into the ring for a round of heavy boxing.

It is hard to win an argument or accomplish much of anything when both parties are control freaks. Chris and I both recognize that, but there are many teens and their parents who don't realize that sometimes the core issue in their arguments is a matter of control. The Bible talks about the issue of quarreling and controlling personalities in James 4:1-3: "Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it. You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way." (The Message)

As a teenager, you need to understand that your parents are not trying to control your lives by threatening consequences if you don't fulfill certain obligations. They are trying to teach you responsibility and often have to resort to the same tactics you use in order to gain your cooperation. They were teenagers once and they didn't like, any more than you do, having to do chores, watch younger siblings, or help a neighbor. Yet they did those things because their parents asked them to, and as a result they grew up with a sense of responsibility and moral consciousness.

Parents aren't out to manipulate you in order to get their own way. But because of their love for you, they must do the hard work of teaching you responsibility and discipline so that you will grow up able to face the "real world" and be a successful adult capable of getting along with others and doing things God's way rather than the world's way. Rather than constantly fight with your parents, try putting a little more effort into heeding their advice, obeying their rules, and doing what they ask of you. You will find it easier for everyone in the long run, and a whole lot less tiring and aggravating, if you will go with the flow rather than swim against the tide.

Parents Are Smarter Than You Think

Most of the teens I know think their parents don't have a clue. Just last night my own son told me that I don't have any idea what's going on with teens these days or why it is so important (a matter of life and death) that he have a cell phone!

I would like to suggest to you that once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, your parents were teenagers, too. While you have "so much" on your plate, they had as much, if not more, on theirs. The stress you feel from having to deal with your problems, your friends' issues, and the demands of daily living is no different than what we dealt with as teenagers. The sources of stress may be different, but trust me -- we had our share of stress and issues, too. Friends still talked about us behind our backs and made us feel lower than dirt by calling us fat, ugly, or stupid, often to our face. There were family problems like divorce, substance abuse, and physical/emotional abuse. We didn't always get everything we wanted, even though the Joneses did. Life wasn't fair then either.

The big difference, though, is that our parents didn't allow us to sit around and gripe all the time. We were made to appreciate the fact that we had it better than most. They helped us learn the value of hard work by requiring us to do chores that today's teens somehow manage to avoid. We had not only homework after school, but chores to do as well. And you know what? We still had plenty of time to play and hang out with friends. When we behaved badly, our parents disciplined us with a sound spanking or an extra helping of chores, not by taking away our cell phones for a day or two. If we griped or fussed too much, our parents made sure we had a good reason to cry. Our parents were a whole lot tougher on us than today's parents are on your generation.

If you have a godly parent who seems a little too hard on you at times, give thanks for him or her. "Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God's training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God's holy best. At the time, discipline isn't much fun. It always feels like it's going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it's the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God" (Hebrews 12:7-11, The Message).

Just remember, your parents are not the enemy. Satan is. Your parents are not against you; they are for you, even as your heavenly Father is.

The Truth About Lies

One of the hardest lessons for a teenager to learn is that it is never okay to tell a lie. What may seem to be an innocent little fib can turn into a bold-faced and malicious lie capable of hurting others and ruining the reputations of innocent victims. Telling a lie is a very hard habit to break. That's because Satan is the father of lies (John 8:44) and the master of deceit. He can make you think that telling a lie to protect yourself or someone else is no big deal, when in fact he is setting you up to tell an even bigger lie the next time.

Do you realize that as a Christian you are to display the character of Jesus, not Satan? In this world, the devil makes sure that we think we are better off taking the easy way out by telling a lie or two. What he is really doing is making you think that following Christ is neither easy nor cool. The truth is, that in itself is a lie! "The devil is described, more than anything else, as a liar. He has no power to defeat God, but he is skilled at lying, and convincing people to listen to his lies. Anyone who lies is modeling their behavior on the devil" (http://www.gospel.com/topics/lies). The Bible doesn't tell us that living for Christ results in bondage or drudgery. Rather, it tells us that when we know and live the truth, the truth will set us free and that if Jesus sets us free from sin, then we are truly free (John 8:32, 36).

Don't let Satan ever convince you that telling a lie is okay, because it isn't. If you honor God by telling the truth, he will honor you. Be faithful to the One who is faithful, and don't give the devil another victory by telling a lie.

Wash Your Mouth Out!

When I was a growing up it wasn't unusual for me to frequently hear the words, "I'm going to wash your mouth out with soap!" Normally, my mom wasn't talking to me but rather to my teenage brothers. As a young mother, I took great delight in following in her footsteps by coating my son's toothbrush with soap and making him brush his teeth (thus washing out his mouth) any time he back-talked me. The thought of it makes me grin even today.

Sadly, those of your generation are caught up in some really lousy language habits. Even Christian teenagers go around saying things that would make their mother's hair curl! When did it become okay to use such profanity, sexually explicit language, and bad mouth each other, often broadcasting your comments via text messages, Facebook, or email? Whether you write bad words on the hood of your friend's car as a joke, or use profanity and a disrespectful tone when talking to your parents, you are sinning in God's sight and hurting those around you. Although you may not realize it, some words you speak or write can be considered sexual harassment so be careful what you say and to whom you say it.

The Bible says a lot about our mouths, the tongue, and the wickedness of trash talking. In the third chapter of James we are told that "It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell (v. 6, The Message). "With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth! My friends, this can't go on" (vs. 9-10, The Message).

God wants us to use our words to edify people and praise him, not dishonor God and disgrace others. Which will you choose to do today? Talk like the rest of your generation, using language that is hurtful and disgraceful, or dare to be a little better than everyone you know and actually say things that are positive, uplifting, and God-honoring?

You are known not only by the company you keep, but also by the words you speak to others. "You have minds like a snake pit! How do you suppose what you say is worth anything when you are so foul-minded? It's your heart, not the dictionary, that gives meaning to your words" (Matthew 12:34). Oh, be wise, guard your heart, and choose your words carefully!