Parents Are Not the Enemy

I am not the most popular person on the planet right now, at least with my teenager. Although we get along well most of the time, there are days when we see eye-to-eye on very little. There is constantly a power struggle over issues of permission, character, and integrity, and my son knows that I will fight to the death to make sure that he knows (and hopefully lives by) the truth of God's Word.

What would happen if parents let their teenagers do every little thing they want? Would those teens be any happier, or would they find themselves making mistakes that could have been avoided had they only heeded the advice of their parents and other adults who truly care about their welfare? Some days I have a really hard time convincing my teen that the rules that are put in place for our family are rules set by God himself, and that they are meant for our good, not to harm or restrict any of us, including our teenage kids.

You need to know that parents are not the enemy. Yes, we may be stricter than you would like us to be, or sadly in some cases, not strict enough. A home in which there are no rules, expectations, or boundaries is a home where chaos is king and where peace cannot abide. Without rules, sin runs rampant, destruction is certain, and you become a victim of the fallout that ensues.

A good parent takes his or her job seriously, stands firmly on his moral convictions, and if a committed Christian, leans heavily on God's strength and the authority of his Word. The Bible tells us, "There are difficult times ahead. As the end approaches, people are going to be self-absorbed, money-hungry, self-promoting, stuck-up, profane, contemptuous of parents, crude, coarse, dog-eat-dog, unbending, slanderers, impulsively wild, savage, cynical, treacherous, ruthless, bloated windbags, addicted to lust, and allergic to God. They'll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they're animals. Stay clear of these people" (2 Timothy 3:1-5, The Message). Those of us who are parents are seeing these very statements played out in the lives of our teens. We know that your only hope of survival is to steer clear of people like the ones described in these verses. Your parents are not out to control you; they care about you and want you to grow up as a person of good character who walks in the freedom that comes with obedience to God's Word.

You need to know that Satan is the real enemy. He uses every device he can to lie to you. "Your parents don't care about you." "Your parents don't want you to have fun with friends." "Nothing you do will ever satisfy your parents. You will never measure up to their expectations." Are these the things you have voiced to your parents or heard your friends say about theirs? Don't believe it for a minute! Your parents love you as surely as God loves you and them. They are doing the best they can, swimming against a steady tide of rebellious behavior and destructive social influences. They are having to compete with text messaging, Facebook, MySpace, music, movies, and your friends to get your attention and teach you how to truly live.

Certainly, things are much different for you than they were for us when we were teens. But fundamentally, people are the same and life works just like it did when we were teens. Give us and yourselves a break! Next time your parents try to reason with you, offer you a better alternative for the plans you are making, or try to help you turn from a destructive relationship or habit, listen to them! Know that they are parenting you out of love, that they truly are concerned about your welfare, and that they would do anything to keep you from making some very costly mistakes.

Just for a minute, imagine that you are the parent and they are the teenager. Ask yourself if you would parent them any differently than they are parenting you. If you are honest, then you will know that sometimes father and mother do know best.

What's the Use?

Many teens (and those who love them, for that matter) wonder, What's the use of a relationship with God? The truth of the matter is that NOTHING on this earth is of more use and benefit than a close walk with God. Trust me, I know. I have tried to live life on my own terms, without God's input. The funny thing, though, is that God was with me all along, allowing me to reap the consequences of my bad choices, grieving over and loving me in spite of them. When I eventually realized that God was right there all along, and that walking in obedience to his Word actually gave me more freedom, not less, then I became intentional in my pursuit of a close relationship with the One who gave his very life to buy my freedom from the death my sins deserved.

Whether or not you want God to be involved in your life, he is. From before the moment you were born (Psalm 139) and through all the length of your days, he is as involved in your life as you want him to be. For some of you, that may mean that you consider his ways and try to honor him in every decision you make and in all that you do. For others, it may mean that you never give God a second thought except, perhaps, on Sundays.

God is not your personal genie but he is the best friend you will ever have, if you will allow him to be. He does not exist to give you everything you want, but to help you want the things he desires for you--his very best. His Holy Spirit is your guide and will keep you walking safely within the boundaries of God's perfect will for your life if you choose to seek and heed his guidance.

If you choose to live fully for God and his purposes, you will no doubt have to give up a few habits and relationships that aren't good for you anyway. But let me tell you, it's so worth the sacrifice. God doesn't ask you to give up anything without giving you something far better in return. In exchange for all the the anxiety, depression, self-hatred, and teenage angst you feel, he will give you an amazing peace you never dreamed you could have. He will love you with a love that no other person can demonstrate for you, and help you see yourself as the apple of his eye (Zechariah 2:8). His amazing grace will carry you through all of life's circumstances, good and bad. His Holy Spirit will strengthen and enable you to do great things for him and to have a significant impact on those in your circle of influence.

Ask yourself the following question: Would I rather stick with the status quo and continue down the path I have chosen for myself, or do I dare to walk in the great adventurous life of abundance that God has chosen for me? Dare to be different. Dare to be changed. Dare to live for God and experience the blessings that can be yours as you surrender your plans in favor of his will for you. Live the adventure -- choose Jesus!

The Blame Game

One thing I have learned living with a teenager is that nothing is ever his fault. If he steps out of line and gets reprimanded, it's not his fault. If he misses the bus because he mismanaged his time, it's not his fault. If he is late coming home, nine times out of ten it's not his fault. Please understand me -- I'm not picking on my teen. Who of us ever really wants to acknowledge that we are quite often to blame for our actions? Whatever happened to accountability and accepting responsibility for the things we do and say?

None of us can escape the reality that we reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7). If you drink excessively, you will wake up with a nasty hangover or worse, injure or kill another person or yourself by driving under the influence of the alcohol or drugs you consume. If you flirt with sexual intimacy and overstep the boundaries of sexual purity, you run the risk of contracting an STD or becoming a parent before you are ready to. If you spend more money than you make, you will end up strangled by debt and hounded by creditors. If you speed, you may get caught, ticketed, and penalized by higher insurance rates. Neglect your studies and you will fail academically. Fail to show up for work and you will soon find yourself unemployed. If you choose friends whose character does not meet the standard you and the Lord have set for yourself, pretty soon you will find yourself sinking to their level rather than elevating them to yours. Most importantly, neglect your spiritual walk with the Lord and you will find yourself in the hands of Satan, tempted beyond your ability to resist, and eating right out of his hand.

Sometimes parents do stupid things that have negative consequences for you. But for the most part, you are ultimately responsible for the consequences of your own actions. And God is never to blame for the bad things that happen to you. He loves you unconditionally, but he is just and he will allow you to suffer the consequences of your own poor choices.

"Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others--ignoring God!--harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life" (Galatians 6:7-8, The Message).