I am not the most popular person on the planet right now, at least with my teenager. Although we get along well most of the time, there are days when we see eye-to-eye on very little. There is constantly a power struggle over issues of permission, character, and integrity, and my son knows that I will fight to the death to make sure that he knows (and hopefully lives by) the truth of God's Word.
What would happen if parents let their teenagers do every little thing they want? Would those teens be any happier, or would they find themselves making mistakes that could have been avoided had they only heeded the advice of their parents and other adults who truly care about their welfare? Some days I have a really hard time convincing my teen that the rules that are put in place for our family are rules set by God himself, and that they are meant for our good, not to harm or restrict any of us, including our teenage kids.
You need to know that parents are not the enemy. Yes, we may be stricter than you would like us to be, or sadly in some cases, not strict enough. A home in which there are no rules, expectations, or boundaries is a home where chaos is king and where peace cannot abide. Without rules, sin runs rampant, destruction is certain, and you become a victim of the fallout that ensues.
A good parent takes his or her job seriously, stands firmly on his moral convictions, and if a committed Christian, leans heavily on God's strength and the authority of his Word. The Bible tells us, "There are difficult times ahead. As the end approaches, people are going to be self-absorbed, money-hungry, self-promoting, stuck-up, profane, contemptuous of parents, crude, coarse, dog-eat-dog, unbending, slanderers, impulsively wild, savage, cynical, treacherous, ruthless, bloated windbags, addicted to lust, and allergic to God. They'll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they're animals. Stay clear of these people" (2 Timothy 3:1-5, The Message). Those of us who are parents are seeing these very statements played out in the lives of our teens. We know that your only hope of survival is to steer clear of people like the ones described in these verses. Your parents are not out to control you; they care about you and want you to grow up as a person of good character who walks in the freedom that comes with obedience to God's Word.
You need to know that Satan is the real enemy. He uses every device he can to lie to you. "Your parents don't care about you." "Your parents don't want you to have fun with friends." "Nothing you do will ever satisfy your parents. You will never measure up to their expectations." Are these the things you have voiced to your parents or heard your friends say about theirs? Don't believe it for a minute! Your parents love you as surely as God loves you and them. They are doing the best they can, swimming against a steady tide of rebellious behavior and destructive social influences. They are having to compete with text messaging, Facebook, MySpace, music, movies, and your friends to get your attention and teach you how to truly live.
Certainly, things are much different for you than they were for us when we were teens. But fundamentally, people are the same and life works just like it did when we were teens. Give us and yourselves a break! Next time your parents try to reason with you, offer you a better alternative for the plans you are making, or try to help you turn from a destructive relationship or habit, listen to them! Know that they are parenting you out of love, that they truly are concerned about your welfare, and that they would do anything to keep you from making some very costly mistakes.
Just for a minute, imagine that you are the parent and they are the teenager. Ask yourself if you would parent them any differently than they are parenting you. If you are honest, then you will know that sometimes father and mother do know best.
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Control Freaks
For me as a mom, one of the greatest joys in life is to sit and converse with my teenage son. There are very few subjects that are off-limits. Sometimes we agree and talk peaceably with one another and other times the gloves come off and we find ourselves engaged in a heated debate. At those times, our controlling personalities step into the ring for a round of heavy boxing.
It is hard to win an argument or accomplish much of anything when both parties are control freaks. Chris and I both recognize that, but there are many teens and their parents who don't realize that sometimes the core issue in their arguments is a matter of control. The Bible talks about the issue of quarreling and controlling personalities in James 4:1-3: "Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it. You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way." (The Message)
As a teenager, you need to understand that your parents are not trying to control your lives by threatening consequences if you don't fulfill certain obligations. They are trying to teach you responsibility and often have to resort to the same tactics you use in order to gain your cooperation. They were teenagers once and they didn't like, any more than you do, having to do chores, watch younger siblings, or help a neighbor. Yet they did those things because their parents asked them to, and as a result they grew up with a sense of responsibility and moral consciousness.
Parents aren't out to manipulate you in order to get their own way. But because of their love for you, they must do the hard work of teaching you responsibility and discipline so that you will grow up able to face the "real world" and be a successful adult capable of getting along with others and doing things God's way rather than the world's way. Rather than constantly fight with your parents, try putting a little more effort into heeding their advice, obeying their rules, and doing what they ask of you. You will find it easier for everyone in the long run, and a whole lot less tiring and aggravating, if you will go with the flow rather than swim against the tide.
It is hard to win an argument or accomplish much of anything when both parties are control freaks. Chris and I both recognize that, but there are many teens and their parents who don't realize that sometimes the core issue in their arguments is a matter of control. The Bible talks about the issue of quarreling and controlling personalities in James 4:1-3: "Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it. You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way." (The Message)
As a teenager, you need to understand that your parents are not trying to control your lives by threatening consequences if you don't fulfill certain obligations. They are trying to teach you responsibility and often have to resort to the same tactics you use in order to gain your cooperation. They were teenagers once and they didn't like, any more than you do, having to do chores, watch younger siblings, or help a neighbor. Yet they did those things because their parents asked them to, and as a result they grew up with a sense of responsibility and moral consciousness.
Parents aren't out to manipulate you in order to get their own way. But because of their love for you, they must do the hard work of teaching you responsibility and discipline so that you will grow up able to face the "real world" and be a successful adult capable of getting along with others and doing things God's way rather than the world's way. Rather than constantly fight with your parents, try putting a little more effort into heeding their advice, obeying their rules, and doing what they ask of you. You will find it easier for everyone in the long run, and a whole lot less tiring and aggravating, if you will go with the flow rather than swim against the tide.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Parents Are Smarter Than You Think
Most of the teens I know think their parents don't have a clue. Just last night my own son told me that I don't have any idea what's going on with teens these days or why it is so important (a matter of life and death) that he have a cell phone!
I would like to suggest to you that once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, your parents were teenagers, too. While you have "so much" on your plate, they had as much, if not more, on theirs. The stress you feel from having to deal with your problems, your friends' issues, and the demands of daily living is no different than what we dealt with as teenagers. The sources of stress may be different, but trust me -- we had our share of stress and issues, too. Friends still talked about us behind our backs and made us feel lower than dirt by calling us fat, ugly, or stupid, often to our face. There were family problems like divorce, substance abuse, and physical/emotional abuse. We didn't always get everything we wanted, even though the Joneses did. Life wasn't fair then either.
The big difference, though, is that our parents didn't allow us to sit around and gripe all the time. We were made to appreciate the fact that we had it better than most. They helped us learn the value of hard work by requiring us to do chores that today's teens somehow manage to avoid. We had not only homework after school, but chores to do as well. And you know what? We still had plenty of time to play and hang out with friends. When we behaved badly, our parents disciplined us with a sound spanking or an extra helping of chores, not by taking away our cell phones for a day or two. If we griped or fussed too much, our parents made sure we had a good reason to cry. Our parents were a whole lot tougher on us than today's parents are on your generation.
If you have a godly parent who seems a little too hard on you at times, give thanks for him or her. "Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God's training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God's holy best. At the time, discipline isn't much fun. It always feels like it's going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it's the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God" (Hebrews 12:7-11, The Message).
Just remember, your parents are not the enemy. Satan is. Your parents are not against you; they are for you, even as your heavenly Father is.
I would like to suggest to you that once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, your parents were teenagers, too. While you have "so much" on your plate, they had as much, if not more, on theirs. The stress you feel from having to deal with your problems, your friends' issues, and the demands of daily living is no different than what we dealt with as teenagers. The sources of stress may be different, but trust me -- we had our share of stress and issues, too. Friends still talked about us behind our backs and made us feel lower than dirt by calling us fat, ugly, or stupid, often to our face. There were family problems like divorce, substance abuse, and physical/emotional abuse. We didn't always get everything we wanted, even though the Joneses did. Life wasn't fair then either.
The big difference, though, is that our parents didn't allow us to sit around and gripe all the time. We were made to appreciate the fact that we had it better than most. They helped us learn the value of hard work by requiring us to do chores that today's teens somehow manage to avoid. We had not only homework after school, but chores to do as well. And you know what? We still had plenty of time to play and hang out with friends. When we behaved badly, our parents disciplined us with a sound spanking or an extra helping of chores, not by taking away our cell phones for a day or two. If we griped or fussed too much, our parents made sure we had a good reason to cry. Our parents were a whole lot tougher on us than today's parents are on your generation.
If you have a godly parent who seems a little too hard on you at times, give thanks for him or her. "Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God's training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God's holy best. At the time, discipline isn't much fun. It always feels like it's going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it's the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God" (Hebrews 12:7-11, The Message).
Just remember, your parents are not the enemy. Satan is. Your parents are not against you; they are for you, even as your heavenly Father is.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Parents Aren't Perfect
In my sixteen years of parenting I have made a lot of mistakes. So have a lot of other parents. After all, parents are only human. We're not perfect, but chances are we would die for the well-being of our children, or at least fight to the death for them.
As I consider everything my mom had to put up with while my siblings and I still lived at home, it is a wonder that we all turned out as well as we did. With six kids at home and a husband who traveled a lot in his job, she did the best she could for us, always loving and praying for us and disciplining us when we needed it. There wasn't a lot of time for lengthy conversations about the issues of life, but back then times were a little less complicated. It was enough to know that she meant what she said. If we dared to stray from the straight and narrow, then we knew we deserved what came next. That, in itself, was enough to keep us motivated to do the right thing, or at least not do the wrong thing.
If you have parents or other grownups who will sit down and listen to you, take advantage of that and talk with them about the things that concern you. We can't know what it is you need if you don't tell us. Remember, we are dealing with problems of our own that sometimes are overwhelming. We don't always pick up on the signals you send, so just say what is on your mind.
If your parent advises you against doing something in particular or spending your time with certain friends, please listen to them and heed their advice. We are not always great at explaining ourselves, but we speak out of our own experience and the mistakes we made as teenagers and young adults. If we tell you to do something or not do something, realize that ninety-nine percent of the time we are telling you for your own good. If you ask "why?" and we respond "because I said so," trust us anyway. Explanations are not always necessary and sometimes only confuse things.
I am glad to be a parent, although it is the most difficult and stressful thing I do each day. It is a privilege to pray for my kids and teach them God's ways, though it is seldom easy. Until you have kids of your own, you will never understand why we parents do the things we do. Just know that we love you, we care about what's best for you, and we want more than anything for you to grow up to be godly men and women who will have a positive impact on your generation for the glory of God.
Young people, "Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother'--which is the first commandment with a promise--'that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth'" (Ephesians 6:1-3).
As I consider everything my mom had to put up with while my siblings and I still lived at home, it is a wonder that we all turned out as well as we did. With six kids at home and a husband who traveled a lot in his job, she did the best she could for us, always loving and praying for us and disciplining us when we needed it. There wasn't a lot of time for lengthy conversations about the issues of life, but back then times were a little less complicated. It was enough to know that she meant what she said. If we dared to stray from the straight and narrow, then we knew we deserved what came next. That, in itself, was enough to keep us motivated to do the right thing, or at least not do the wrong thing.
If you have parents or other grownups who will sit down and listen to you, take advantage of that and talk with them about the things that concern you. We can't know what it is you need if you don't tell us. Remember, we are dealing with problems of our own that sometimes are overwhelming. We don't always pick up on the signals you send, so just say what is on your mind.
If your parent advises you against doing something in particular or spending your time with certain friends, please listen to them and heed their advice. We are not always great at explaining ourselves, but we speak out of our own experience and the mistakes we made as teenagers and young adults. If we tell you to do something or not do something, realize that ninety-nine percent of the time we are telling you for your own good. If you ask "why?" and we respond "because I said so," trust us anyway. Explanations are not always necessary and sometimes only confuse things.
I am glad to be a parent, although it is the most difficult and stressful thing I do each day. It is a privilege to pray for my kids and teach them God's ways, though it is seldom easy. Until you have kids of your own, you will never understand why we parents do the things we do. Just know that we love you, we care about what's best for you, and we want more than anything for you to grow up to be godly men and women who will have a positive impact on your generation for the glory of God.
Young people, "Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother'--which is the first commandment with a promise--'that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth'" (Ephesians 6:1-3).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)