The Day I Stopped Running

Dear (insert your name here),

I've been watching you for many years now as you have continued to chase after things of this world.  You are so tired yet do not realize that the very things you seek will never bring you true joy and contentment.  You figure that the more friends you have, the more parties you attend, the cooler the clothes you wear or the car you drive, the happier you will be. Yet I see you, day in and day out, wearing yourself out and compromising all you know to be true in your efforts to impress others and fill a void that only God can fill.

I was like you once, always on the go and often running with the wrong crowd because I was lonely.  I thought if I worked hard, bought stuff, and became like them that I would be happy.  But the exact opposite happened.  Because I compromised the godly values I had been taught and did things my own way and according to my time table, not God's, I suffered a lot of hurt and hurt a lot of people.  I was miserable because I knew that most of all I hurt God, who sent his son Jesus to die for the sins of people like me.

It took a sexual assault and an embarassing wake-up call from a stranger after a long night of drinking to realize that everything I had tried to fill that God-shaped void had failed.  With self-esteem so low it didn't even register, I became a suicide waiting to happen.  I couldn't look myself in the mirror without feeling sick.  What had I become -- what had I done to myself in the process of trying to fit into a world God never intended me to call my home?

When I hit rock bottom I knew that I had a choice to make -- either continue living a double life by being a good church girl on Sundays and lowering my standards so I would fit in with the world the rest of the week OR completely surrendering my life to the lordship of Jesus, who had died on the cross for my sins.  I had accepted his salvation as a teenager but drifted far from him during my college years and early twenties.  Could I ever recapture the joy of my salvation and receive his forgiveness? If I did choose to surrender myself to him, would he be enough?

The day I stopped running after things of this world and decided to run into the loving embrace of Jesus, everything changed.  He welcomed me back with open arms and has spent every day of the past thirty years fulfilling the promises of his Word to love me, fill me with peace, satisfy my deepest longings, provide for my every need, and restore to me the joy of my salvation.  He has been my strength, my guide, and my very best friend.  The journey with him has been difficult at times, but even in the adversities I have faced he has been faithful and right beside me every single minute. In the hard times he has revealed more of himself to me and taught me time and time again that his grace is sufficient for me.  In Jesus I have finally found my rest and true acceptance.  I have found the love I could never find in another human being.  I have found truth when others have lied to me. I have found true joy and contentment that no amount of money could ever buy.

If you are constantly on the go -- working, socializing, looking for fun no matter what the cost, I urge you to stop running!  Be still and know God.  He is there. He loves you and longs to fill you with the joy and peace this world will never give you.  No matter what you have done to try and fill that God-shaped void in your heart, he will forgive your sin if you will confess and turn from it.  As far as the east is from the west, he will remember your sin no more.  Stop running and start resting in him!

The Best Choice

Dear (insert your name here),

If there is one thing I have learned as a result of my own mistakes when I was your age, it is that God is infinitely more loving and patient with us than we will ever be with one another.  That is his divine nature.  It is not something I understand but something I accept by faith because I have experienced his love and forgiveness.

You have made a lot of mistakes in your young life on this planet, and so have I. Even in my fifties I make lots of poor choices and have to live with the consequences as a result.  But I have placed my trust in God and he helps me every day to make better choices than the day before.  He helps me stand back up when I fall down and gives me wisdom when I need help making decisions about what to do.  My life isn't easy but I have peace because I have given my heart to Jesus and given God permission to do whatever he wants to do with my life.  I am not perfect, but every day I walk a little closer with him and grow in confidence that he will fulfill his promise to take care of me.

Jesus loves you in spite of every bad choice you have made and every sin you have committed.  He loves you so much that he died for your sins so you could spend eternity with him (John 3:16).  Our sins require the death penalty, but Jesus took the nails and died on the cross in our place (Romans 6:23, 3:23-25).  He is the God of second chances and new beginnings, but we have to repent of (turn away from) our sins and follow him by living in obedience to his Word.

It's not too late to turn your life around and let God repair the broken pieces.  It's what he does best!  None of the bad things in your life are wasted because he promises to work all things together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).

God has given us all free will and the ability to choose what we will do and whom we will follow.  You can choose to continue controlling your own destiny and living life on your own terms and hope that everything works out OK eventually.  Or, you can choose to turn away from the things you know are wrong and harmful, turn to his Word for guidance, and surrender your life to Jesus, knowing with confidence that he will work it all out according to his promises.

Life on this planet will never be easy, but I can promise you that it will be far better if you invite Jesus into the equation by asking him into your heart.  He will show you the way when you need direction, comfort and provide for you as no one else can, and replace the broken pieces of your life with his peace -- if you will choose to let him.  Please choose him!  I can assure you that it will be the best choice you ever make.

Praying for you,

Dee Dee

You Can't Fix Other People

There is a lot of talk about the drama, self-centeredness, and sense of entitlement that characterizes the teenagers of today.  As the parent of two teens, I am acutely aware of the emotional baggage and family dysfunction that many of their friends deal with every day.   My heart breaks for kids from broken homes or those who are left to fend for themselves because Mom and Dad are too caught up in their own work or the extracurricular activities of their children that personal love and attention get lost in the mix.  It is a recipe for emotional and social disaster, and a tendency I myself have to guard against in a world that become increasingly demanding of my own time and resources.

Kids just want to be loved and understood.  Sadly, many of them also want to fix what is broken in the lives of their friends.  In doing so they get caught in the crossfire as a result of taking on someone else's emotional baggage.  To them -- to you -- I want to say, "You can't fix other people."  Don't try.  Don't lose yourself trying to make things better for someone else.  Be wise.  Set boundaries.  Know when you're in over your head.  Most importantly, stop trying to be what God never intended -- the savior of your generation! 

There is only one Savior, only one who can fix the broken hearts and lives of your generation.  You can't; only He can.

Rather than try to fix what is wrong with your friends, let God fix what is wrong with you.  You aren't perfect either.  When you let God do his work in you and pray from a heart that is pure, things begin to change.  You change.  You begin to pray that your friends will see the change in you and begin to change themselves.

Life is hard enough without you taking on the weight of your friends' problems.  Let God do his job, in your life and in theirs.  If you really care about your friends, let God have his way in your life and stop trying to have your way in theirs.  Be a friend.  Set boundaries.  Give God his rightful place and he will give you peace.

Wanna Trade Places?

Dear disgruntled teen,

As a parent of teens, I want to let you know that we fully understand your position on parents. Depending on your age and your particular family dynamics, you either love us or hate us on any given day of the week.  You either respect us for the love we pour into your lives and appreciate the blessings God has given you, or you resent us for our efforts to grow you into responsible adults and whine because in our wisdom we do not give you every thing or privilege you somehow feel you "deserve."  You want your life to be all about you, a life of ease and unbridled pleasure, yet fail to understand that life simply does not work that way.  As much as we love you, you are not the center of the universe!  None of us are.  For just one day, we would like to trade places so you can see just how challenging our job is as parents of teenagers!

Most parents I know, even those who are not of the Christian faith, have the same basic desire to raise good kids who will grow up to be men and women of character making a meaningful contribution to our society.  We do everything in our power to give you all the things you need to be healthy and successful.  Often, to our own detriment and in order to "keep the peace" with you, we also give you things you want, which we may or may not be able to afford to do -- things which are not always in your best interest.

But for those of us parents who are believers and followers of Christ, our job is especially difficult.  You see, we parent you not according to the world's rules but according to God's rules.  We parent you with the goal of raising not only good kids, but godly kids who realize that Christianity is not about being religious and having all the fun stripped from life, but rather that it is a relationship with Jesus.  You are so afraid that if you follow Christ you will have to give up all your sinful ways and that life will be no fun.  What you fail to realize, however, is that when you are truly engaged in a personal relationship with Jesus, you will want to lay aside those things that would displease him, simply because you love him. 

As parents, we are outnumbered by social media, ungodly influences, and a corrupt society, but we are determined to somehow help you see that a relationship with Jesus far surpasses anything the world can offer you.  Our passion comes from our own experience.  You see, we were once rebellious teens, too.  We have seen the effects of our own sinful choices and we want so much for you to avoid anything that would keep you out of fellowship with God.  Yet we are ridiculed and persecuted by the very ones we love most, our own children.  We are cursed at, argued with, and blatantly disrespected simply for trying to help you find a better way of living and the only lasting fulfillment there is, through a relationship with Jesus.

We hear the same mantra all the time:  "It's really not a big deal."  "All my friends are doing it."  "But I'm 18 now.  I can do anything I want to do!"  The list goes on and on.  But the reality is that man fell from God's grace eons ago and that even though the entire world lives according to hell's standards, we as Christians should now, more than ever, stand for is right in the sight of God, no matter how unpopular or uncool that may seem.  Instead of buying into Satan's subtle lies that the latest iPhone, a girlfriend, or a designer drug will satisfy you, you need to realize that those are idols (counterfeit gods) which will never satisfy the longing that only God can fill. 

If you are a believing teenager, you can either have a great deal of influence among your peers or be negatively influenced by them.  You know in your heart that you are saved because one day you asked Jesus into your heart.  But you are under the mistaken impression that if you live in rebellion as most of your peers do, you might somehow reach them for Christ.  That will never happen.  Instead just the opposite will -- they will drag you down into such depths of depravity that before you know it, you will not feel worthy to even utter the name of Jesus, let alone walk into a church, sing a worship song, or understand that he loves you no matter what you do.  Your self-esteem will hit rock bottom and you will hate even yourself.  You will believe that God could never possibly love you.  I know that for a fact because it happened to me.

For just one day, I wish you could step into the shoes of your parents and understand how heartbreaking it is for us to see our children robbed of their royal inheritance (you are a child of the King) by the enemy who roams the earth seeking to devour God's children.   Satan is not for you.  He wants to destroy you.  I also wish you could realize how much it hurts to be ridiculed by our own flesh and blood simply because we want God's best for you.  We are not the enemy; Satan is.  And we are not fighting against you, but rather against him.  We will fight to the death -- our own death -- if that is what it takes to ensure that Satan is defeated in his efforts to steal you away from God.

It is our prayer that you will one day come back to the faith you had the day you asked Christ into your heart and enjoy the abundant life that is promised to those who abide in relationship with him.  There is no greater joy than walking with him obediently and no greater peace than knowing he is and always will be with you and for you.  God's laws were not written to restrict you, but to protect you.

With love,

A determined parent



Copyright © 2012 by Dee Dee Wike.  All rights reserved.
www.deedeewike.com

The Untold Story of the Prodigal’s Mother

Hopeless. In a word, that is exactly how she must have felt as her son disappeared over the horizon with not so much as a backward glance over his shoulder. How had their relationship managed to deteriorate so badly? It seemed only days ago that they had sat beside one another in the breeze of a warm summer evening, watching the sun set over the pasture below as the sheep bleated to one another after a long day of lazy grazing.

She remembered the day he was born. After months of waiting and dreaming of the great things her son would accomplish, he arrived just before the bitter chill of winter set in. The harvest had been plentiful that year and there was much to celebrate. Now just days after his birth, the family had gathered around a table laden with the earth’s richest fares, rejoicing not only in God’s bountiful blessings but also in the new life asleep in his mother’s arms.

The first few months were joyful ones for her as she nursed her little one and cradled him often. What special moments they had together! Always dreaming of the special plans God had for him, she prayed for the child, as he lay nestled at her breast, hopeful that Jehovah would capture the heart of her little boy and grow him into a great man of God. Remembering the stories of Moses, Abraham, Joseph, and David, her imagination ran wild with thoughts of all the ways God might use him to reveal the truth regarding His own Son, the Messiah. Surely God’s hand would be with her son all the days of his life, as he followed in the footsteps of his parents and older brother by living a life of dedicated service to their God.

Her son, like so many other young boys his age, was taught the stories of the patriarchs, the apostles, and the prophets who had foretold the coming of the Messiah. He knew of the miracles Jesus had performed. But there were those in the temple who preached a different message, who used their position and influence to deceive many who believed. Before long, questions began to swirl around in his mind, confusing him and weakening his faith. What if all those stories about God were not true?

When her son began voicing some of those questions and spending his time with those known to hold different beliefs from theirs, she became alarmed. She prayed. She spoke the truth. She could tell her son was slipping away from them, changing somehow, but there was little she could do to stop what was happening. Her own frustrations and fears tormented her. Their relationship, once so close and endearing, became one of strain and conflict. Although the truths of what he had been taught had not changed, his beliefs had, and she was losing the battle.

As her son challenged the boundaries of God’s commands and his parents’ convictions, feelings of love between the son and his parents gave way to anger and resentment toward them. Frustrated by her own inability to get through to him, the mother became despondent and depressed, feeling as though somehow she had failed him and the God who had entrusted her with this young man’s life. It was more than she could bear.

As his rebellious attitude and restlessness escalated, she knew it was inevitable that one day her son would leave. How she had prayed that God would somehow soften his heart and rekindle it with passion for God and His truth! But that day never came. Having enough of religious traditions and the restrictions he felt they imposed on his individuality, he asked for his inheritance, packed up his belongings, and set out in search of freedom—freedom from religious mores, outlandish beliefs, and a holiness that was impossible for any man to attain. Surely the pastures of a foreign land would be greener than the ones he had called home.

The day he left was a day of great pain, yet relief of sorts for his mother, who had been subjected to his tirades and the unending questions by those who surely blamed her for the disgraceful direction his life had taken. Because the father was away herding sheep much of the time, he could not appreciate the depth of frustration and pain the mother had suffered as she watched her son pull away from them, day by day. Although the son’s decision to leave came as no surprise to her, the father was left stunned by his son’s insistence that he be given his share of the inheritance. It was clear that he had no intention of returning home—ever.

The older son, seething with resentment, had watched as his younger brother heaped insults and disrespect on his parents for months. He had been there to comfort his mother one time too many. For him, this day had not come too quickly. He was glad to see his brother go, although he couldn’t stand the fact that his father had given that undeserving wretch one cent of their inheritance!

In the days that followed, life slowly returned to normal for the father and older brother, but the mother’s broken heart seemed to hemorrhage within, draining her of all her energy and the desire to do anything. She fell into a deep depression, always wondering where her son was, how he was getting along, and fearing the worst. Her prayers, like her tears, flowed unceasingly.

The father, who had always gotten along well with him, couldn’t understand how the younger son had become so selfish and discontent. Yet, he was of age to be on his own. What choice had either parent except to let him go find himself in a distant land?

The younger son left the comfort, safety, and love of his family in search of happiness and independence. While he was away, he squandered his fortune in wild living, even spending part of his inheritance on prostitutes in an effort to satisfy his deep desire for love and fulfillment. Without the watchful eye and concern of his loving parents keeping tabs on him, he could do as he pleased, and he did. One day, though, when the money had run out and the only thing filling his stomach was hunger pain, he realized that he had acted foolishly. Homeless and desperate enough to eat the pods the pigs were being fed, he began to long for the comforts of home. Even his father’s servants lived better than he. They were clothed, fed, and sheltered by a loving master who appreciated and rewarded their good service to him. How could the son have been so foolish as to think he could make it without the love and support of his family?

As he lay out under the stars feeling smaller than the blades of grass beneath him, he looked toward heaven and began praying to the One who had watched over him through all his months of wandering. Deep in his heart he knew he had sinned. All the wine, women, and worldly goods that had consumed his inheritance failed to fill that empty place inside. His physical hunger was only symptomatic of a deeper spiritual hunger that had somehow been suppressed all these months. In the silence of that starry night, far from home, the son began confessing sin after sin. As the weight of his sins slipped from his shoulders, his heart became tender toward his heavenly Father and toward the earthly family he had left behind so many months before. He knew what he had to do.

As the sun dawned fresh upon a glistening meadow, he rose and turned toward home. Not knowing how he might be received, he resolved to go humbly to his father, ask his forgiveness, and settle for being received and treated as one of the hired servants. After several days’ travel, the son anxiously topped the hill overlooking his father’s sheep pasture just as the sun was beginning to set. His father, looking longingly toward the setting sun, saw a familiar silhouette on the horizon. Could it possibly be?

Inside their home the mother poured a pitcher of water drawn from a nearby well. As water splashed from the pail onto the table, the drops mixed with her tears. Would she ever see her son again? With each passing day her hope dimmed like the stars at sunrise. Yet she could never completely abandon the hope of seeing her son once more. As she stood there with her eyes closed, relishing memories of a sweet little boy’s laughter, she was aroused by the sound of music and laughter from outside the house. Curious, she went to the window and looked out, hardly believing what her eyes beheld.

Silhouetted in the glow of the sunset, with servants all around, stood the father and the prodigal in the clutches of a warm embrace. Suddenly the servants scurried in different directions, carrying out the father’s orders to kill the fattened calf, prepare a feast, and bring the ring and robe to make the son’s homecoming official.

As the older brother stood glaring in the shadows, the mother knew that the conflict was far from over. The younger son had returned home seeking forgiveness, which she knew the older son would be reluctant to extend. Her prayers of thankfulness for the safe return of the lost son quickly turned to prayers for reconciliation and healing as she realized she now faced a perhaps more difficult challenge, restoring peace between these two rivals. For now, though, she would simply rejoice in the return of her son and her hope.

Vicious Cycle

"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members." -- Romans 7:21-23

Often we hear sin referred to as a vicious cycle, and it is. Each of us has at least one area of sin we cannot quite seem to master. For some, it is overeating or overspending. Others may have problems with sexual sin or pride. Whatever it may be, without God's help it is impossible to break the vicious cycle of sin in our lives. Even if we manage to free ourselves from sin’s shackles, often we live for years with the consequences of our prior sinful actions.

Paul's words to the Christians living in Rome capture the essence of the internal struggle with sin we sometimes face. Even as I write this, my heart is broken over the sin of indebtedness and the effect the consequences of that sin continue to have over my family, my ministry, and every other aspect of my life. God knows the burden that I carry, the desire I have to pay off my debt and move beyond it, and the prayer of my heart that my children won't follow in my footsteps in the area of financial stewardship. This is one of those lessons I have had to learn the hard way, and I pray that they are learning, too.

What is your vicious cycle? What is that one area of sin that is always right behind you, no matter how hard you try to outrun it? Take heart. God understands what you're up against. He knows that like Paul, we are all in a war of wills -- God's righteous will vs our own sinful will -- and that sometimes we lose a battle here and there because we are weak. The good news is that God's grace is sufficient for each us, for his power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12: 9) "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set [us] free from the law of sin and death" (Romans 8:1-2). Jesus has already won the victory over sin and death. Satan may accuse, but he can never condemn us because Christ paid our sin debt in full on the cross of Calvary!

A Leap of Faith -- New Ministry Launched

Please click here to read more about my leap of faith into ministry and to learn how you can partner with me in this exciting new endeavor!

Stop That Stinkin' Thinkin'!

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." -- James 1:12

When Sean's music class didn't turn out quite like he expected, he became blinded by his own frustration and lost sight of his goal to play the violin. Despite his love of music, he allowed the intimidation of being in a class of more experienced players to overwhelm him and undermine his determination to learn the instrument. As hard as his teacher and parents tried to reassure him that a little private instruction and practice were all he needed to catch up with the other players and enjoy the class, he was convinced otherwise.

Have you ever found yourself in that kind of frustrating situation, where no amount of reason will change your mind? Why are you so convinced that nothing can make your situation better, or that no one understands? The simple truth of the matter is that there are people who understand completely and who care about you. Even better, God cares about you.

Sometimes things don't work out the way we planned. We feel disappointed, frustrated, and angry. We want to simply give up and take the easy way out. Sure, it would be easier for Sean to drop the class rather than to sacrifice a little free time with friends and put forth the extra effort needed in order to accomplish the goal of playing the violin. But don't you think that he might feel a great sense of pride because he persevered, stepping out of his comfort zone to do something that would give him great joy in the end?

If you are frustrated today, check your attitude and ask God to help you. Maybe the real problem is not that you are out of your comfort zone, but rather you have a severe case of "stinkin' thinkin'." If all you can see is your trouble, despite the advice and encouragement of caring adults or friends, then you need to adjust your attitude, expand your vision, and dare to believe that maybe, just maybe, it is possible to accomplish your goals despite the obstacles. Quit looking for excuses to fail and start looking for reasons to succeed. Either your goal is important to you, or it's not. Stop that stinkin' thinkin' and make up your mind to do something about it!

Above all, pray and trust God to help you. Sometimes He allows difficulties in order to grow and mature us. Life is not going to get any easier. There will always be problems to overcome. Take the obstacles you face and use them as stepping stones to a greater opportunity.

Righteous Rebel

A friend's recent Facebook status update got me to thinking about what it means to be a rebel. If you are a teen whose behavior is contrary to everything your parents believe and have taught you to believe, then you might proudly assume that you are a rebel, living life on your terms. You might well be living life on your own terms, but I'm not so sure that your form of rebellion makes you as special as you might think you are or even classify you as a true rebel. Rather, it makes you "just like everybody else," lost in a sea of sameness and mediocrity.

According to Dictionary.com, a rebel is defined as "1.a person who refuses allegiance to, resists, or rises in arms against the government or ruler of his or her country. 2.a person who resists any authority, control, or tradition." Yet, as far as I can tell, most teenagers are not resisting the control or tradition of their government or ruler, or better put, their generation or peer group. They are sucked into the same cultural activities as the rest of their peers, controlled by unhealthy addictions, risky behaviors, and ungodly forms of entertainment, all because they are afraid to rebel against the norm and dare to take a stand for something better.

If you want to be special and stand out in your generation, then dare to be a righteous rebel, modeling your life after Jesus Christ, who himself was considered to be a true rebel. He was in this world, but not of it, and he calls us to do the same. The apostle Peter urges us "as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul" (1 Peter 2:11, NIV). Are you willing to become a righteous rebel and walk in truth and holiness like Jesus himself?

Don't be like everyone else you know. Sin is a one-way street that leads straight to the pit. Rather, be better than everyone you know by choosing to walk in truth, shine the light, and share the love of Jesus with those around you. You will never find satisfaction in the things of this world. Friends and lovers will disappoint you, possessions with satisfy you only so long, and addictive substances will only destroy you. There is a better way, the only true way to lasting fulfillment, joy, and happiness, and that is through a relationship with Jesus Christ. He is the one Friend who will never disappoint you, make you feel bad about yourself, or cast you aside. He loves you unconditionally, so much that he willingly died on the cross to save you from your sins (John 3:16).

If you want to know more, or would like me to pray for you, please email me at deedeewike@bellsouth.net or message me on Facebook.

The Great Kid Within

"Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." -- Galatians 6:9

I am not one to remember lines from movies, but one that keeps playing over and over in my mind is Mufasa's statement to his young cub in Disney's "The Lion King." It is a moment of revelation which could have saved this prince of the pride a lot of trouble and heartache, if only he had taken to heart his father's words: "Simba, you are more than you have become."

As I watch my own teenager struggle with the challenges of adolescence, making mistakes, and suffering the consequences for them, I sometimes speak those same words to him. As a parent, I pray diligently for my children, doing everything in my power to impress upon them how much God loves and values them and the promise that he has a wonderful plan for their lives. I truly believe they understand that, but in their limited, youthful inexperience, they cannot see how their present reality will impact their future potential. In other words, they are guilty of making poor choices that can and most likely will hinder the unfolding of God's plan and purpose for their lives. They don't realize that oversleeping and missing the bus could very well translate into showing up late for work and losing a job. Or that failing to make good grades in school will be a reflection to future employers or potential colleges of a lack of commitment to follow through and do a good job.

All I can do as a parent is continue to pray each day that God will open their eyes and somehow let them see how precious time is and how precious they are, to me and to him. I pray that they will quickly learn from their mistakes, correct their actions, and above all, have a heart for the one who created the great kid within.

Parenting is difficult and even heartbreaking at times. It requires the heart of a lion, and the help of the Lion of Judah, to train up our children in the way they should go.

Making the Grade

Through the years God has shown me a lot about the learning process. Whether it is studying just a little harder for that final exam or preparing yourself spiritually and emotionally for the tests of life, one thing you should remember is that you can never be too prepared. When the final analysis is in, the grades you make will matter.

If you are struggling with academics, ask yourself the question: What am I really focused on? Most teenagers these days are not focused on school work. Their attention is centered on self-image, friendships, what to do on Friday night, and simply surviving as a teen in a dog-eat-dog world. In fact, I am learning that many teens develop a sort of tunnel vision, where they see only one piece of the pie. They often focus on one area of life, leaving everything else spiraling out of control. There is simply NO balance.

So what's the remedy for bad grades, bad attitudes, and anything else that might be out of kilter? Finding a new center in Jesus Christ. When we allow him to call the shots, he not only gives us direction and peace, but he changes our want to's into his want to's, and that is a very good thing! When our priorities (the things that drive us, the things that we consider important) are in line with God's priorities, then he gives us the grace, ability, and resources we need to do things well and "make the grade," so to speak.

Don't settle for less than God's best for you, or your ability to do what is required. Most anyone can make good grades in school and still find time for friendships and fun. Don't go overboard in one area and neglect learning what you need to learn in order to be a success in life. Knowledge is important, so take advantage of the opportunities you have to learn and make this your best school year ever! Your grades and God's glory are certainly worth the effort.

"So whether you eat or drink (or study for that final exam!) or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God" (1 Corinthians 10:31).

Lying Eyes

They say that our eyes are windows to the soul. That's so true. I can look at my children and know whether or not they are telling me the truth. And nine times out of ten, your parents can tell what's going on when they look at you. You may think that all parents are dumber than dirt, but we see things in you that you just can't hide. In the words of the great rock band, The Eagles, "You can't hide your lying eyes."

Since the beginning of time people have been lying to those in authority over them, and to themselves, by failing to accept responsibility for their wrong actions (sins). Remember Adam and Eve and the forbidden fruit? They disobeyed God by eating the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. When God asked them about it, Adam pointed his finger at Eve, who in turn blamed the serpent for deceiving them. Seems to me that the one who lies is dumber than dirt.

What about Cain? We learn in Genesis 4 that he got angry and killed his brother Abel because the Lord accepted Abel's offering and rejected his. Abel didn't do anything wrong; in fact, he offered to God the very best of his firstborn lambs. When God asked where Abel was, Cain responded, "I don't know. Am I my brother's guardian?" (v. 9) Talk about denying his own wrongdoing! God wasn't fooled. "But the LORD said, 'What have you done? Listen! Your brother's blood cries out to me from the ground! Now you are cursed and banished from the ground, which has swallowed your brother's blood. No longer will the ground yield good crops for you, no matter how hard you work! From now on you will be a homeless wanderer on the earth'" (Genesis 4:10-12, NLT).

Make no mistake, lying is never the solution for avoiding the consequences of your sin. You might fool yourself into believing that your sin is not such a big deal, but you'll never convince God or your parents. That's because they love you too much to overlook an offense that could bring you or others great harm.

Cain learned a painful lesson: that sin results in unavoidable and potentially devastating consequences. The only cure for sin is taking responsibility for your actions, repenting of (turning away from) the sinful behavior, and seeking the forgiveness of God and those against whom you have sinned, including yourself. "If we claim that we're free of sin, we're only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean breast of them—he won't let us down; he'll be true to himself. He'll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing" (1 John 1:8-9, The Message).

Parents Are Not the Enemy

I am not the most popular person on the planet right now, at least with my teenager. Although we get along well most of the time, there are days when we see eye-to-eye on very little. There is constantly a power struggle over issues of permission, character, and integrity, and my son knows that I will fight to the death to make sure that he knows (and hopefully lives by) the truth of God's Word.

What would happen if parents let their teenagers do every little thing they want? Would those teens be any happier, or would they find themselves making mistakes that could have been avoided had they only heeded the advice of their parents and other adults who truly care about their welfare? Some days I have a really hard time convincing my teen that the rules that are put in place for our family are rules set by God himself, and that they are meant for our good, not to harm or restrict any of us, including our teenage kids.

You need to know that parents are not the enemy. Yes, we may be stricter than you would like us to be, or sadly in some cases, not strict enough. A home in which there are no rules, expectations, or boundaries is a home where chaos is king and where peace cannot abide. Without rules, sin runs rampant, destruction is certain, and you become a victim of the fallout that ensues.

A good parent takes his or her job seriously, stands firmly on his moral convictions, and if a committed Christian, leans heavily on God's strength and the authority of his Word. The Bible tells us, "There are difficult times ahead. As the end approaches, people are going to be self-absorbed, money-hungry, self-promoting, stuck-up, profane, contemptuous of parents, crude, coarse, dog-eat-dog, unbending, slanderers, impulsively wild, savage, cynical, treacherous, ruthless, bloated windbags, addicted to lust, and allergic to God. They'll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they're animals. Stay clear of these people" (2 Timothy 3:1-5, The Message). Those of us who are parents are seeing these very statements played out in the lives of our teens. We know that your only hope of survival is to steer clear of people like the ones described in these verses. Your parents are not out to control you; they care about you and want you to grow up as a person of good character who walks in the freedom that comes with obedience to God's Word.

You need to know that Satan is the real enemy. He uses every device he can to lie to you. "Your parents don't care about you." "Your parents don't want you to have fun with friends." "Nothing you do will ever satisfy your parents. You will never measure up to their expectations." Are these the things you have voiced to your parents or heard your friends say about theirs? Don't believe it for a minute! Your parents love you as surely as God loves you and them. They are doing the best they can, swimming against a steady tide of rebellious behavior and destructive social influences. They are having to compete with text messaging, Facebook, MySpace, music, movies, and your friends to get your attention and teach you how to truly live.

Certainly, things are much different for you than they were for us when we were teens. But fundamentally, people are the same and life works just like it did when we were teens. Give us and yourselves a break! Next time your parents try to reason with you, offer you a better alternative for the plans you are making, or try to help you turn from a destructive relationship or habit, listen to them! Know that they are parenting you out of love, that they truly are concerned about your welfare, and that they would do anything to keep you from making some very costly mistakes.

Just for a minute, imagine that you are the parent and they are the teenager. Ask yourself if you would parent them any differently than they are parenting you. If you are honest, then you will know that sometimes father and mother do know best.

What's the Use?

Many teens (and those who love them, for that matter) wonder, What's the use of a relationship with God? The truth of the matter is that NOTHING on this earth is of more use and benefit than a close walk with God. Trust me, I know. I have tried to live life on my own terms, without God's input. The funny thing, though, is that God was with me all along, allowing me to reap the consequences of my bad choices, grieving over and loving me in spite of them. When I eventually realized that God was right there all along, and that walking in obedience to his Word actually gave me more freedom, not less, then I became intentional in my pursuit of a close relationship with the One who gave his very life to buy my freedom from the death my sins deserved.

Whether or not you want God to be involved in your life, he is. From before the moment you were born (Psalm 139) and through all the length of your days, he is as involved in your life as you want him to be. For some of you, that may mean that you consider his ways and try to honor him in every decision you make and in all that you do. For others, it may mean that you never give God a second thought except, perhaps, on Sundays.

God is not your personal genie but he is the best friend you will ever have, if you will allow him to be. He does not exist to give you everything you want, but to help you want the things he desires for you--his very best. His Holy Spirit is your guide and will keep you walking safely within the boundaries of God's perfect will for your life if you choose to seek and heed his guidance.

If you choose to live fully for God and his purposes, you will no doubt have to give up a few habits and relationships that aren't good for you anyway. But let me tell you, it's so worth the sacrifice. God doesn't ask you to give up anything without giving you something far better in return. In exchange for all the the anxiety, depression, self-hatred, and teenage angst you feel, he will give you an amazing peace you never dreamed you could have. He will love you with a love that no other person can demonstrate for you, and help you see yourself as the apple of his eye (Zechariah 2:8). His amazing grace will carry you through all of life's circumstances, good and bad. His Holy Spirit will strengthen and enable you to do great things for him and to have a significant impact on those in your circle of influence.

Ask yourself the following question: Would I rather stick with the status quo and continue down the path I have chosen for myself, or do I dare to walk in the great adventurous life of abundance that God has chosen for me? Dare to be different. Dare to be changed. Dare to live for God and experience the blessings that can be yours as you surrender your plans in favor of his will for you. Live the adventure -- choose Jesus!

The Blame Game

One thing I have learned living with a teenager is that nothing is ever his fault. If he steps out of line and gets reprimanded, it's not his fault. If he misses the bus because he mismanaged his time, it's not his fault. If he is late coming home, nine times out of ten it's not his fault. Please understand me -- I'm not picking on my teen. Who of us ever really wants to acknowledge that we are quite often to blame for our actions? Whatever happened to accountability and accepting responsibility for the things we do and say?

None of us can escape the reality that we reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7). If you drink excessively, you will wake up with a nasty hangover or worse, injure or kill another person or yourself by driving under the influence of the alcohol or drugs you consume. If you flirt with sexual intimacy and overstep the boundaries of sexual purity, you run the risk of contracting an STD or becoming a parent before you are ready to. If you spend more money than you make, you will end up strangled by debt and hounded by creditors. If you speed, you may get caught, ticketed, and penalized by higher insurance rates. Neglect your studies and you will fail academically. Fail to show up for work and you will soon find yourself unemployed. If you choose friends whose character does not meet the standard you and the Lord have set for yourself, pretty soon you will find yourself sinking to their level rather than elevating them to yours. Most importantly, neglect your spiritual walk with the Lord and you will find yourself in the hands of Satan, tempted beyond your ability to resist, and eating right out of his hand.

Sometimes parents do stupid things that have negative consequences for you. But for the most part, you are ultimately responsible for the consequences of your own actions. And God is never to blame for the bad things that happen to you. He loves you unconditionally, but he is just and he will allow you to suffer the consequences of your own poor choices.

"Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others--ignoring God!--harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life" (Galatians 6:7-8, The Message).

Just Say No!

One of the most difficult things plaguing teenagers is the fear of saying "no" to their peers. This I know for a fact because my own teen has difficulty remembering that "no" is actually a word in the dictionary. Funny, I have no problem saying the word to him, but he seems to have a really hard time denying himself one moment of fun or pleasure, even if negative consequences could result.

Since when is it macho or cool to throw your life away one cigarette, beer, or one-night stand at a time? What happened to standing as a leader among your peers rather than merely as one of the crowd? Did it dawn on you that by saying "no" to something bad, you might actually empower others to do the same and perhaps even save someone else's life? Seriously! Not just physically save their life, but perhaps eternally save it because you were willing to mirror the character of Christ himself?

All the things your parents have told you, the Scriptures they have shared with you, and the rules they have laid down for your benefit are worthy of your attention. If they're like me, they have made their own share of stupid mistakes and are merely trying to save you the pain of learning your lessons the hard way. Why not listen to the voice of experience? Risky behavior is never smart, never safe, and seldom without consequences. We know. We were teens, too.

Next time you feel tempted to do something you know you shouldn't, remember this: "The temptation to give in to evil comes from us and only us. We have no one to blame but the leering, seducing flare-up of our own lust. Lust gets pregnant, and has a baby: sin! Sin grows up to adulthood, and becomes a real killer" (James 1:14-15, The Message). The good news, though, is that "No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it" (1 Corinthians 10:13, The Message).

You have the full power of God residing in you in the person of the Holy Spirit. Draw on that power, resist the devil and his lies, and claim the victory over temptation that is yours in Christ!

Living in the Moment

Teens, and adults for that matter, are faced with choices everyday--choices that are hard and produce an inner conflict that often consumes our thoughts and tugs at our hearts. Our natural tendency is to simply make the choice and move forward, just to avoid dealing with the conflict. When the choices you make involve willful disobedience, reckless behavior, or the use of illegal or harmful substances, you are setting yourself up for a dangerous outcome and hurting the ones who love you most. Perhaps you don't care about that. Maybe all you are interested in is living in the moment and doing what feels good to you.

Even the most committed Christians I know struggle, or have struggled, with sin and the conflict of self versus Spirit (as in the Holy Spirit). When faced with the choice to do what is right according to God's Word or to do what satisfies their fleshly desires, they often choose the latter. Often God is merciful and spares them the full punishment their sinful choices deserve, but sometimes he withholds his protection and allows them to fully reap what they sow. Just because someone doesn't get what he or she deserves for a sin they committed, doesn't mean that you won't. It is not worth the gamble. If you play with fire (literally or figuratively), you will eventually get burned.

When you commit that sin, that "living in the moment," you have to ask yourself if being outside of God's will is really worth the risk of being subjected to his judgment. Perhaps you don't know what God's will is, or perhaps you have chosen to ignore that still, small voice that nags you on the inside saying, "Don't do that. You know it's not right." That check in your spirit is really God's voice telling you which way to go. If you don't listen and as a result turn away from his path and his will for your life, then you are playing right into the hands of Satan and giving him permission to come in and destroy you.

There will be a day of reckoning for all of us, a judgment day when our holy and righteous God holds us accountable for the sins we have committed and the deeds we have done, whether good or bad. Wouldn't you rather be found faithful and righteous than ashamed before the One who gave his life for you?

The Bible tells us, "If we claim that we're free of sin, we're only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean breast of them—he won't let us down; he'll be true to himself. He'll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. If we claim that we've never sinned, we out-and-out contradict God—make a liar out of him. A claim like that only shows off our ignorance of God" (1 John 1:8-10, The Message).

I don't know what area of sin you are struggling with today, but I do know this: God is faithful to forgive and will not condemn anyone who humbly repents and turns away from his sin (Romans 8:1). The bottom line is, you have to be willing to repent and lay aside your sinful desires and instead surrender to God's way of living. The Bible tells us, "The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God" (Romans 8:6-8, NIV).

As you are living in the moment, wouldn't you rather it be a peaceful moment rather than one full of conflict and fear? As long as you wrestle with God and fight the Holy Spirit who lives within you, you will never have a moment's peace. Surrender to God's will and walk in His ways. It is the only way to truly live.

It's Not Just for Breakfast Anymore

One of the things I try so hard to convince my teenager of is his need to take in more of God's Word and fewer of the world's lies. As a parent, I realize that most teens think parents "don't know anything." But the truth is, we have a lot of wisdom gained from years of living on this planet and from surviving our own adolescence. Because he doesn't take the time to read his Bible or a daily devotional at home, I have decided to enclose a little "Brown Bag Bite," a verse or two of Scripture hand-written on a piece of note paper, in my son's lunch each day. The neat thing about doing that is knowing that not only is he reading the Word of God, his lunch buddies are as well.

I became a Christian when I was your age, and was active in my youth group at church. I even attended Bible studies. But the one thing I probably failed to do was actually spend time, on my own, in God's Word, drinking in the truth of it and applying it to my own life. Had I been as anchored in the Scriptures then as I am now, I would have avoided the traumatic consequences of my own poor choices because I would have avoided a whole lot of sin in the first place. I would have known the love of Christ, the wisdom of God, and the power of the Holy Spirit to enable me to turn from temptation, remain sexually pure, and avoid the devastating effects of addiction. This is the message I want my son and his teenage peers to take to heart: that God's Word is our lifeline in this world, and to try to live life outside of God's loving boundaries, set in his Word, is to sentence ourselves to a miserable existence.

God's Word is given to us to nourish and sustain us spiritually, to lead us to salvation through Christ and assure us of God's provision for every need of life, and to guide our footsteps on the path God has set out for us. Psalm 119: 1-9 (The Message) says this about the Bible: "You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You're blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him. That's right—you don't go off on your own; you walk straight along the road he set. You, God, prescribed the right way to live; now you expect us to live it. Oh, that my steps might be steady, keeping to the course you set; Then I'd never have any regrets in comparing my life with your counsel. I thank you for speaking straight from your heart; I learn the pattern of your righteous ways. I'm going to do what you tell me to do; don't ever walk off and leave me. How can a young person live a clean life? By carefully reading the map of your Word."

Trust me, if you try to live your life on your terms rather than on God's, you are setting yourself up for a hard life of misery, shame, and sorrow. I know because I've been there. You may not think your parents know anything, but God does. Father knows best. Better start listening to him today!

Friends are Fickle -- They'll Put You in a Pickle!

Relationships are tricky for even the most mature adults I know. I can imagine that they trickier still for today's generation of young people. Yet healthy relationships are SO important, particularly in the turbulent teenage years. How does one even know what a healthy relationship is?

Consider your friends. What kind of people do you hang out with? How much like you are they really? If you a Christian teen, you need to be especially careful to spend most of your social time with peers that are heaven-minded, not worldly in their thoughts and actions. If you are serious about your relationship with God, you must guard your heart because it is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23). In other words, if you let down your guard, your heart will be drawn to things that are not God's best for you. You must be careful with your affections in every area of your life--friendships, entertainment, and dating.

God wants you to love everyone, just as he does. But he does not desire for you to spend your time hanging out with friends who have ungodly qualities. It is one thing to casually converse with those who are lost and immoral as you pass them in the hallway or sit by them in class. It is another thing entirely to spend lots of time in the company of individuals whose heart is not set on God or on the things of God. Kids with emotional baggage will only drag you down. You cannot save them; only Jesus can.

A true friend is one who will stick closer than a brother and model the character of God himself. If your friends are talking about you, spreading rumors, or luring you into activities that you know God would disapprove of, then are they really the kind of friends you should be spending your time with?

No one wants to be lonely. We all want to be with people because God created us as relational beings. However, the cost of spending your time in the company of willful sinners (we all sin, but some are habitual sinners) is great. God says we are to be in the world, not of it. That means that while we have to live among those who might not believe, we don't have to take on their character qualities and stoop to their level of immoral behavior. We are to remain holy and pure, even as Christ is. Even if it takes times of solitude and separation from your friends, know that Jesus is always going to be there for you and he will be enough, if you let him be your very best friend.

Rather than continue hanging out with fickle and foolish friends, ask Jesus to send you friends who love him as much as you do. If you honor him, he will honor you.

Don't Kiss and Tell

One of the problems with inappropriate sexual conduct is that nothing you do remains a secret for long. If you kiss a sweetheart, that's one thing. No one really cares much about a kiss. But if you go a little too far (and you know how far "too far" is!), then be prepared for the shock waves of scandal to spread across the Internet and through cellular air space as your so-called friends broadcast your shameful behavior to everyone you know, and then some!

The Bible teaches us that sex outside of the marriage relationship is sin. Not only is it sin against the person with whom you are engaged in inappropriate sexual behavior, but it is sin against your own body, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit who lives in you (1 Corinthians 6:19). As Christians, we grow up knowing that sex with anyone other than our married partner is wrong, but we are faced with the same sexual temptations that unbelievers face. However, the Spirit of God which lives within us gives us the power to abstain from and resist those strong sexual urges that cause so much pain. The Spirit gives us power to resist, but we must use our God-given right to choose--to choose to do the right thing rather than the wrong thing.

The Message translation does a beautiful job of explaining the problems with sexual sin. First Corinthians 6:16-20 tells us:

There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.

Young person, what you may see as irresistible temporary pleasure will cost you dearly in the long run. You have been taught right from wrong, but what your parents and your Sunday school teachers haven't told you is how high a price you will pay for giving yourself away to a boyfriend or girlfriend rather than saving yourself for your spouse. Not only do you run the risk of an unwanted pregnancy or the likelihood that you will contract a sexually-transmitted disease, but you also risk taking on the heavy emotional baggage of guilt and shame that will beat you down for years to come. Premarital sex is not worth the risk or the loss of a godly reputation.

God is certainly willing to forgive any who repent and ask forgiveness for sexual sin. But there are no guarantees that he will protect you from devastating consequences if you continue to compromise yourself sexually. Be holy as he is holy. If you have already lost your virginity, ask his forgiveness and mercy, and pray for the strength to remain pure until the day you marry the special guy or gal he has picked out for you. The temptation to sin in the area of sexual behavior is strong, but the Holy Spirit who lives within you gives you all the power you need to stand strong and remain pure.

"You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body" (1 Corinthians 6:19b-20, NIV).