Parents Are Not the Enemy

I am not the most popular person on the planet right now, at least with my teenager. Although we get along well most of the time, there are days when we see eye-to-eye on very little. There is constantly a power struggle over issues of permission, character, and integrity, and my son knows that I will fight to the death to make sure that he knows (and hopefully lives by) the truth of God's Word.

What would happen if parents let their teenagers do every little thing they want? Would those teens be any happier, or would they find themselves making mistakes that could have been avoided had they only heeded the advice of their parents and other adults who truly care about their welfare? Some days I have a really hard time convincing my teen that the rules that are put in place for our family are rules set by God himself, and that they are meant for our good, not to harm or restrict any of us, including our teenage kids.

You need to know that parents are not the enemy. Yes, we may be stricter than you would like us to be, or sadly in some cases, not strict enough. A home in which there are no rules, expectations, or boundaries is a home where chaos is king and where peace cannot abide. Without rules, sin runs rampant, destruction is certain, and you become a victim of the fallout that ensues.

A good parent takes his or her job seriously, stands firmly on his moral convictions, and if a committed Christian, leans heavily on God's strength and the authority of his Word. The Bible tells us, "There are difficult times ahead. As the end approaches, people are going to be self-absorbed, money-hungry, self-promoting, stuck-up, profane, contemptuous of parents, crude, coarse, dog-eat-dog, unbending, slanderers, impulsively wild, savage, cynical, treacherous, ruthless, bloated windbags, addicted to lust, and allergic to God. They'll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they're animals. Stay clear of these people" (2 Timothy 3:1-5, The Message). Those of us who are parents are seeing these very statements played out in the lives of our teens. We know that your only hope of survival is to steer clear of people like the ones described in these verses. Your parents are not out to control you; they care about you and want you to grow up as a person of good character who walks in the freedom that comes with obedience to God's Word.

You need to know that Satan is the real enemy. He uses every device he can to lie to you. "Your parents don't care about you." "Your parents don't want you to have fun with friends." "Nothing you do will ever satisfy your parents. You will never measure up to their expectations." Are these the things you have voiced to your parents or heard your friends say about theirs? Don't believe it for a minute! Your parents love you as surely as God loves you and them. They are doing the best they can, swimming against a steady tide of rebellious behavior and destructive social influences. They are having to compete with text messaging, Facebook, MySpace, music, movies, and your friends to get your attention and teach you how to truly live.

Certainly, things are much different for you than they were for us when we were teens. But fundamentally, people are the same and life works just like it did when we were teens. Give us and yourselves a break! Next time your parents try to reason with you, offer you a better alternative for the plans you are making, or try to help you turn from a destructive relationship or habit, listen to them! Know that they are parenting you out of love, that they truly are concerned about your welfare, and that they would do anything to keep you from making some very costly mistakes.

Just for a minute, imagine that you are the parent and they are the teenager. Ask yourself if you would parent them any differently than they are parenting you. If you are honest, then you will know that sometimes father and mother do know best.

What's the Use?

Many teens (and those who love them, for that matter) wonder, What's the use of a relationship with God? The truth of the matter is that NOTHING on this earth is of more use and benefit than a close walk with God. Trust me, I know. I have tried to live life on my own terms, without God's input. The funny thing, though, is that God was with me all along, allowing me to reap the consequences of my bad choices, grieving over and loving me in spite of them. When I eventually realized that God was right there all along, and that walking in obedience to his Word actually gave me more freedom, not less, then I became intentional in my pursuit of a close relationship with the One who gave his very life to buy my freedom from the death my sins deserved.

Whether or not you want God to be involved in your life, he is. From before the moment you were born (Psalm 139) and through all the length of your days, he is as involved in your life as you want him to be. For some of you, that may mean that you consider his ways and try to honor him in every decision you make and in all that you do. For others, it may mean that you never give God a second thought except, perhaps, on Sundays.

God is not your personal genie but he is the best friend you will ever have, if you will allow him to be. He does not exist to give you everything you want, but to help you want the things he desires for you--his very best. His Holy Spirit is your guide and will keep you walking safely within the boundaries of God's perfect will for your life if you choose to seek and heed his guidance.

If you choose to live fully for God and his purposes, you will no doubt have to give up a few habits and relationships that aren't good for you anyway. But let me tell you, it's so worth the sacrifice. God doesn't ask you to give up anything without giving you something far better in return. In exchange for all the the anxiety, depression, self-hatred, and teenage angst you feel, he will give you an amazing peace you never dreamed you could have. He will love you with a love that no other person can demonstrate for you, and help you see yourself as the apple of his eye (Zechariah 2:8). His amazing grace will carry you through all of life's circumstances, good and bad. His Holy Spirit will strengthen and enable you to do great things for him and to have a significant impact on those in your circle of influence.

Ask yourself the following question: Would I rather stick with the status quo and continue down the path I have chosen for myself, or do I dare to walk in the great adventurous life of abundance that God has chosen for me? Dare to be different. Dare to be changed. Dare to live for God and experience the blessings that can be yours as you surrender your plans in favor of his will for you. Live the adventure -- choose Jesus!

The Blame Game

One thing I have learned living with a teenager is that nothing is ever his fault. If he steps out of line and gets reprimanded, it's not his fault. If he misses the bus because he mismanaged his time, it's not his fault. If he is late coming home, nine times out of ten it's not his fault. Please understand me -- I'm not picking on my teen. Who of us ever really wants to acknowledge that we are quite often to blame for our actions? Whatever happened to accountability and accepting responsibility for the things we do and say?

None of us can escape the reality that we reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7). If you drink excessively, you will wake up with a nasty hangover or worse, injure or kill another person or yourself by driving under the influence of the alcohol or drugs you consume. If you flirt with sexual intimacy and overstep the boundaries of sexual purity, you run the risk of contracting an STD or becoming a parent before you are ready to. If you spend more money than you make, you will end up strangled by debt and hounded by creditors. If you speed, you may get caught, ticketed, and penalized by higher insurance rates. Neglect your studies and you will fail academically. Fail to show up for work and you will soon find yourself unemployed. If you choose friends whose character does not meet the standard you and the Lord have set for yourself, pretty soon you will find yourself sinking to their level rather than elevating them to yours. Most importantly, neglect your spiritual walk with the Lord and you will find yourself in the hands of Satan, tempted beyond your ability to resist, and eating right out of his hand.

Sometimes parents do stupid things that have negative consequences for you. But for the most part, you are ultimately responsible for the consequences of your own actions. And God is never to blame for the bad things that happen to you. He loves you unconditionally, but he is just and he will allow you to suffer the consequences of your own poor choices.

"Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others--ignoring God!--harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life" (Galatians 6:7-8, The Message).

Just Say No!

One of the most difficult things plaguing teenagers is the fear of saying "no" to their peers. This I know for a fact because my own teen has difficulty remembering that "no" is actually a word in the dictionary. Funny, I have no problem saying the word to him, but he seems to have a really hard time denying himself one moment of fun or pleasure, even if negative consequences could result.

Since when is it macho or cool to throw your life away one cigarette, beer, or one-night stand at a time? What happened to standing as a leader among your peers rather than merely as one of the crowd? Did it dawn on you that by saying "no" to something bad, you might actually empower others to do the same and perhaps even save someone else's life? Seriously! Not just physically save their life, but perhaps eternally save it because you were willing to mirror the character of Christ himself?

All the things your parents have told you, the Scriptures they have shared with you, and the rules they have laid down for your benefit are worthy of your attention. If they're like me, they have made their own share of stupid mistakes and are merely trying to save you the pain of learning your lessons the hard way. Why not listen to the voice of experience? Risky behavior is never smart, never safe, and seldom without consequences. We know. We were teens, too.

Next time you feel tempted to do something you know you shouldn't, remember this: "The temptation to give in to evil comes from us and only us. We have no one to blame but the leering, seducing flare-up of our own lust. Lust gets pregnant, and has a baby: sin! Sin grows up to adulthood, and becomes a real killer" (James 1:14-15, The Message). The good news, though, is that "No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it" (1 Corinthians 10:13, The Message).

You have the full power of God residing in you in the person of the Holy Spirit. Draw on that power, resist the devil and his lies, and claim the victory over temptation that is yours in Christ!

Living in the Moment

Teens, and adults for that matter, are faced with choices everyday--choices that are hard and produce an inner conflict that often consumes our thoughts and tugs at our hearts. Our natural tendency is to simply make the choice and move forward, just to avoid dealing with the conflict. When the choices you make involve willful disobedience, reckless behavior, or the use of illegal or harmful substances, you are setting yourself up for a dangerous outcome and hurting the ones who love you most. Perhaps you don't care about that. Maybe all you are interested in is living in the moment and doing what feels good to you.

Even the most committed Christians I know struggle, or have struggled, with sin and the conflict of self versus Spirit (as in the Holy Spirit). When faced with the choice to do what is right according to God's Word or to do what satisfies their fleshly desires, they often choose the latter. Often God is merciful and spares them the full punishment their sinful choices deserve, but sometimes he withholds his protection and allows them to fully reap what they sow. Just because someone doesn't get what he or she deserves for a sin they committed, doesn't mean that you won't. It is not worth the gamble. If you play with fire (literally or figuratively), you will eventually get burned.

When you commit that sin, that "living in the moment," you have to ask yourself if being outside of God's will is really worth the risk of being subjected to his judgment. Perhaps you don't know what God's will is, or perhaps you have chosen to ignore that still, small voice that nags you on the inside saying, "Don't do that. You know it's not right." That check in your spirit is really God's voice telling you which way to go. If you don't listen and as a result turn away from his path and his will for your life, then you are playing right into the hands of Satan and giving him permission to come in and destroy you.

There will be a day of reckoning for all of us, a judgment day when our holy and righteous God holds us accountable for the sins we have committed and the deeds we have done, whether good or bad. Wouldn't you rather be found faithful and righteous than ashamed before the One who gave his life for you?

The Bible tells us, "If we claim that we're free of sin, we're only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean breast of them—he won't let us down; he'll be true to himself. He'll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. If we claim that we've never sinned, we out-and-out contradict God—make a liar out of him. A claim like that only shows off our ignorance of God" (1 John 1:8-10, The Message).

I don't know what area of sin you are struggling with today, but I do know this: God is faithful to forgive and will not condemn anyone who humbly repents and turns away from his sin (Romans 8:1). The bottom line is, you have to be willing to repent and lay aside your sinful desires and instead surrender to God's way of living. The Bible tells us, "The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God" (Romans 8:6-8, NIV).

As you are living in the moment, wouldn't you rather it be a peaceful moment rather than one full of conflict and fear? As long as you wrestle with God and fight the Holy Spirit who lives within you, you will never have a moment's peace. Surrender to God's will and walk in His ways. It is the only way to truly live.

It's Not Just for Breakfast Anymore

One of the things I try so hard to convince my teenager of is his need to take in more of God's Word and fewer of the world's lies. As a parent, I realize that most teens think parents "don't know anything." But the truth is, we have a lot of wisdom gained from years of living on this planet and from surviving our own adolescence. Because he doesn't take the time to read his Bible or a daily devotional at home, I have decided to enclose a little "Brown Bag Bite," a verse or two of Scripture hand-written on a piece of note paper, in my son's lunch each day. The neat thing about doing that is knowing that not only is he reading the Word of God, his lunch buddies are as well.

I became a Christian when I was your age, and was active in my youth group at church. I even attended Bible studies. But the one thing I probably failed to do was actually spend time, on my own, in God's Word, drinking in the truth of it and applying it to my own life. Had I been as anchored in the Scriptures then as I am now, I would have avoided the traumatic consequences of my own poor choices because I would have avoided a whole lot of sin in the first place. I would have known the love of Christ, the wisdom of God, and the power of the Holy Spirit to enable me to turn from temptation, remain sexually pure, and avoid the devastating effects of addiction. This is the message I want my son and his teenage peers to take to heart: that God's Word is our lifeline in this world, and to try to live life outside of God's loving boundaries, set in his Word, is to sentence ourselves to a miserable existence.

God's Word is given to us to nourish and sustain us spiritually, to lead us to salvation through Christ and assure us of God's provision for every need of life, and to guide our footsteps on the path God has set out for us. Psalm 119: 1-9 (The Message) says this about the Bible: "You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You're blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him. That's right—you don't go off on your own; you walk straight along the road he set. You, God, prescribed the right way to live; now you expect us to live it. Oh, that my steps might be steady, keeping to the course you set; Then I'd never have any regrets in comparing my life with your counsel. I thank you for speaking straight from your heart; I learn the pattern of your righteous ways. I'm going to do what you tell me to do; don't ever walk off and leave me. How can a young person live a clean life? By carefully reading the map of your Word."

Trust me, if you try to live your life on your terms rather than on God's, you are setting yourself up for a hard life of misery, shame, and sorrow. I know because I've been there. You may not think your parents know anything, but God does. Father knows best. Better start listening to him today!

Friends are Fickle -- They'll Put You in a Pickle!

Relationships are tricky for even the most mature adults I know. I can imagine that they trickier still for today's generation of young people. Yet healthy relationships are SO important, particularly in the turbulent teenage years. How does one even know what a healthy relationship is?

Consider your friends. What kind of people do you hang out with? How much like you are they really? If you a Christian teen, you need to be especially careful to spend most of your social time with peers that are heaven-minded, not worldly in their thoughts and actions. If you are serious about your relationship with God, you must guard your heart because it is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23). In other words, if you let down your guard, your heart will be drawn to things that are not God's best for you. You must be careful with your affections in every area of your life--friendships, entertainment, and dating.

God wants you to love everyone, just as he does. But he does not desire for you to spend your time hanging out with friends who have ungodly qualities. It is one thing to casually converse with those who are lost and immoral as you pass them in the hallway or sit by them in class. It is another thing entirely to spend lots of time in the company of individuals whose heart is not set on God or on the things of God. Kids with emotional baggage will only drag you down. You cannot save them; only Jesus can.

A true friend is one who will stick closer than a brother and model the character of God himself. If your friends are talking about you, spreading rumors, or luring you into activities that you know God would disapprove of, then are they really the kind of friends you should be spending your time with?

No one wants to be lonely. We all want to be with people because God created us as relational beings. However, the cost of spending your time in the company of willful sinners (we all sin, but some are habitual sinners) is great. God says we are to be in the world, not of it. That means that while we have to live among those who might not believe, we don't have to take on their character qualities and stoop to their level of immoral behavior. We are to remain holy and pure, even as Christ is. Even if it takes times of solitude and separation from your friends, know that Jesus is always going to be there for you and he will be enough, if you let him be your very best friend.

Rather than continue hanging out with fickle and foolish friends, ask Jesus to send you friends who love him as much as you do. If you honor him, he will honor you.