Control Freaks

For me as a mom, one of the greatest joys in life is to sit and converse with my teenage son. There are very few subjects that are off-limits. Sometimes we agree and talk peaceably with one another and other times the gloves come off and we find ourselves engaged in a heated debate. At those times, our controlling personalities step into the ring for a round of heavy boxing.

It is hard to win an argument or accomplish much of anything when both parties are control freaks. Chris and I both recognize that, but there are many teens and their parents who don't realize that sometimes the core issue in their arguments is a matter of control. The Bible talks about the issue of quarreling and controlling personalities in James 4:1-3: "Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it. You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way." (The Message)

As a teenager, you need to understand that your parents are not trying to control your lives by threatening consequences if you don't fulfill certain obligations. They are trying to teach you responsibility and often have to resort to the same tactics you use in order to gain your cooperation. They were teenagers once and they didn't like, any more than you do, having to do chores, watch younger siblings, or help a neighbor. Yet they did those things because their parents asked them to, and as a result they grew up with a sense of responsibility and moral consciousness.

Parents aren't out to manipulate you in order to get their own way. But because of their love for you, they must do the hard work of teaching you responsibility and discipline so that you will grow up able to face the "real world" and be a successful adult capable of getting along with others and doing things God's way rather than the world's way. Rather than constantly fight with your parents, try putting a little more effort into heeding their advice, obeying their rules, and doing what they ask of you. You will find it easier for everyone in the long run, and a whole lot less tiring and aggravating, if you will go with the flow rather than swim against the tide.