You Can't Fix Other People

There is a lot of talk about the drama, self-centeredness, and sense of entitlement that characterizes the teenagers of today.  As the parent of two teens, I am acutely aware of the emotional baggage and family dysfunction that many of their friends deal with every day.   My heart breaks for kids from broken homes or those who are left to fend for themselves because Mom and Dad are too caught up in their own work or the extracurricular activities of their children that personal love and attention get lost in the mix.  It is a recipe for emotional and social disaster, and a tendency I myself have to guard against in a world that become increasingly demanding of my own time and resources.

Kids just want to be loved and understood.  Sadly, many of them also want to fix what is broken in the lives of their friends.  In doing so they get caught in the crossfire as a result of taking on someone else's emotional baggage.  To them -- to you -- I want to say, "You can't fix other people."  Don't try.  Don't lose yourself trying to make things better for someone else.  Be wise.  Set boundaries.  Know when you're in over your head.  Most importantly, stop trying to be what God never intended -- the savior of your generation! 

There is only one Savior, only one who can fix the broken hearts and lives of your generation.  You can't; only He can.

Rather than try to fix what is wrong with your friends, let God fix what is wrong with you.  You aren't perfect either.  When you let God do his work in you and pray from a heart that is pure, things begin to change.  You change.  You begin to pray that your friends will see the change in you and begin to change themselves.

Life is hard enough without you taking on the weight of your friends' problems.  Let God do his job, in your life and in theirs.  If you really care about your friends, let God have his way in your life and stop trying to have your way in theirs.  Be a friend.  Set boundaries.  Give God his rightful place and he will give you peace.

Wanna Trade Places?

Dear disgruntled teen,

As a parent of teens, I want to let you know that we fully understand your position on parents. Depending on your age and your particular family dynamics, you either love us or hate us on any given day of the week.  You either respect us for the love we pour into your lives and appreciate the blessings God has given you, or you resent us for our efforts to grow you into responsible adults and whine because in our wisdom we do not give you every thing or privilege you somehow feel you "deserve."  You want your life to be all about you, a life of ease and unbridled pleasure, yet fail to understand that life simply does not work that way.  As much as we love you, you are not the center of the universe!  None of us are.  For just one day, we would like to trade places so you can see just how challenging our job is as parents of teenagers!

Most parents I know, even those who are not of the Christian faith, have the same basic desire to raise good kids who will grow up to be men and women of character making a meaningful contribution to our society.  We do everything in our power to give you all the things you need to be healthy and successful.  Often, to our own detriment and in order to "keep the peace" with you, we also give you things you want, which we may or may not be able to afford to do -- things which are not always in your best interest.

But for those of us parents who are believers and followers of Christ, our job is especially difficult.  You see, we parent you not according to the world's rules but according to God's rules.  We parent you with the goal of raising not only good kids, but godly kids who realize that Christianity is not about being religious and having all the fun stripped from life, but rather that it is a relationship with Jesus.  You are so afraid that if you follow Christ you will have to give up all your sinful ways and that life will be no fun.  What you fail to realize, however, is that when you are truly engaged in a personal relationship with Jesus, you will want to lay aside those things that would displease him, simply because you love him. 

As parents, we are outnumbered by social media, ungodly influences, and a corrupt society, but we are determined to somehow help you see that a relationship with Jesus far surpasses anything the world can offer you.  Our passion comes from our own experience.  You see, we were once rebellious teens, too.  We have seen the effects of our own sinful choices and we want so much for you to avoid anything that would keep you out of fellowship with God.  Yet we are ridiculed and persecuted by the very ones we love most, our own children.  We are cursed at, argued with, and blatantly disrespected simply for trying to help you find a better way of living and the only lasting fulfillment there is, through a relationship with Jesus.

We hear the same mantra all the time:  "It's really not a big deal."  "All my friends are doing it."  "But I'm 18 now.  I can do anything I want to do!"  The list goes on and on.  But the reality is that man fell from God's grace eons ago and that even though the entire world lives according to hell's standards, we as Christians should now, more than ever, stand for is right in the sight of God, no matter how unpopular or uncool that may seem.  Instead of buying into Satan's subtle lies that the latest iPhone, a girlfriend, or a designer drug will satisfy you, you need to realize that those are idols (counterfeit gods) which will never satisfy the longing that only God can fill. 

If you are a believing teenager, you can either have a great deal of influence among your peers or be negatively influenced by them.  You know in your heart that you are saved because one day you asked Jesus into your heart.  But you are under the mistaken impression that if you live in rebellion as most of your peers do, you might somehow reach them for Christ.  That will never happen.  Instead just the opposite will -- they will drag you down into such depths of depravity that before you know it, you will not feel worthy to even utter the name of Jesus, let alone walk into a church, sing a worship song, or understand that he loves you no matter what you do.  Your self-esteem will hit rock bottom and you will hate even yourself.  You will believe that God could never possibly love you.  I know that for a fact because it happened to me.

For just one day, I wish you could step into the shoes of your parents and understand how heartbreaking it is for us to see our children robbed of their royal inheritance (you are a child of the King) by the enemy who roams the earth seeking to devour God's children.   Satan is not for you.  He wants to destroy you.  I also wish you could realize how much it hurts to be ridiculed by our own flesh and blood simply because we want God's best for you.  We are not the enemy; Satan is.  And we are not fighting against you, but rather against him.  We will fight to the death -- our own death -- if that is what it takes to ensure that Satan is defeated in his efforts to steal you away from God.

It is our prayer that you will one day come back to the faith you had the day you asked Christ into your heart and enjoy the abundant life that is promised to those who abide in relationship with him.  There is no greater joy than walking with him obediently and no greater peace than knowing he is and always will be with you and for you.  God's laws were not written to restrict you, but to protect you.

With love,

A determined parent



Copyright © 2012 by Dee Dee Wike.  All rights reserved.
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